Welcome to Hickstead, home to both Seven Oak Stables, and Blue Acre - two rival stables. Both offer opportunities for their clients to reach the highest level of excellence. Each stable differs from the other, so choose wisely and never forget, loyalty is everything... Meanwhile as the stables battle it out, there's trouble brewing at the university. Be careful, if you don't pick a side you may get caught in the cross-fire...
This is an chilled out rpg with a super friendly and relaxed atmosphere! Remember to sign up with your characters full name in all caps and don't forget to do your claims! Thank you and Welcome, we've been established since 10th March 2009 but unfortunately have had to close guest view of our boards due to multiple sites ripping off our hard work, such a shame! Come chat to us in Discord before joining if you like!.
Keith had a bit of a malicious smirk cross his face. He was getting back at his father, in this weird, twisted manner. Doing the thing good parents should have done years ago. Keith hated that it ended this way, but what could be done? Appointments were scheduled but no one showed up. Resources were barely used. Maybe there was one person in the house to set up an individual therapist appointment, but that could have also been a no-show.
All Keith had control over was the appointment was made and if they didn't show up. It was a shame, really. It didn’t matter now. Keith had already accepted to be written out of whatever funds his mother left him after she died. Or whatever his father's current living will be. He had already accepted that he would live his life being the one person that tore this family to molecular shreds.
He sat in a black SUV a few blocks from his family home. Police, EMTs, and social workers were already on their way. It didn't take long for the pounding of the door by the police to be heard over the headpieces. Maybe it was too much, but people like Jace had the strength of someone on Crack. Once that fight or flight hit - it could take more than one person to subdue. Plus, if it was true how much damage could be done - medical staff were on hand to treat whatever fighting wounds that were had.
July 1st. Keith stayed by his word. His father could blame him all he wanted, but it was too late to fix things now. Shaun would have to wait a grueling month before he could see Jace once he was settled into the care unit. Even then, it would be supervised until proven otherwise.
Maybe it was some sick power play, but it was his turn now. He wasn't scary then, but oh no - Keith was the devil himself now. Shaun would finally hear the dark monologue Keith had locked up inside him. Evidence of neglect and resentment. Hope, care, and love…were all fizzled to a thin line.
He leaned back in the cushy back seat of the car. It was a waiting game now, ready for the signal to come on over like death on his horse.
Time had been sliding through Shaun's fingers like water. And it wasn't for a lack of trying either. Appointments were made, and when he'd confirmed them, he had explained that getting Jace out of the house was difficult but they just brushed that off because why listen to the issue? And he'd tried, genuinely tried. He'd even asked Derek and even Stephen to help him where they could, to convince Jace that things were going to be fine. That they were getting him help. But it only turned violent.
Even now as he sat in the kitchen, sipping his coffee, he was holding paper towel to his busted lip after another brawl with Jace. As if it weren't enough, the bruises to his body, the blackened and swollen eye... Shaun would freely admit he was too ashamed to leave the house and admit to anyone in passing that his own son did this. But who would even believe him? People were aware that the gym was open and running again, that he was doing a lot more night work and still limping home by midnight.
He'd been trying and it still wasn't good enough. He tried to just talk, sat outside Jace's door and just talked to him despite his son telling him to go away. He'd completely stopped trying to man handle him outside of the few moments where he went after one of the other boys. He was tired, but he kept pushing and smiling despite how much it hurt him to. He'd gone sober after Derek's initial barking, cut cold then and there, and even dialed back on the smoking by half and only did so out in the garage or outside the house so the boys weren't in the brunt of it. Almost four months of sobriety, of pulling everything together as best he could, to manage and deal with the younger brood at home and work and do what he should've been doing. Ignoring his own health complaints for the sake of the boys, even going to Creven's sporting matches where he was able to and apologizing when he couldn't because he had to take Jace to the doctors, or at least try. Four months where a fragile routine had settled.
So when the knocking on the door came and the rough authority of police issuing their orders, Shaun's blood turned to ice. He went to the front door, immediately on a desperate defensive, demanding to see whatever warrants or reason they had to come despite knowing exactly what was happening and who had set the fucking wheels in motion. There was a new seated fear in him, one foreign and abrupt as they made their way into the house calling for Jace. Shaun felt himself just freeze over as these uniformed strangers invaded his home. And then Jace was yelling, calling out and Shaun moved, shoving passed the police, reason gone.
"You are scaring my son!" he barked, feeling some old fire kick in to defend his son, difficult as he was. "Get the fuck away from him!"
Weekends? Those were for lazing about. Nash was still in bed with his earbuds in but had been wide awake since the newest shouting match between his father and Jace. They happened so regularly these days that it didn’t even faze him anymore, it had become a part of life. A homelife that felt a whole lot less safe and secure than it had last year and so he had managed to find better things to do with his time. The teen was tempted to post on social media that he was headed into town later with Eva but that might invite too many questions. No, better to keep that to himself.
Nash took a bite from his chocolate bar, a bunch of those stacked underneath his bed which had given him time to skip breakfast and not do any socialising with the rest of the family. Definitely a plus. The bed next to him had been empty already when the yelling in the room next door had started and he had no idea where Crev had been off to. Walking Danny? Practice? Game day? It was Saturday after all, fuck, he has always known exactly when his younger brother’s games were but their relationship had taken quite a hit too after mom passed away.
The music in his ears kept anything that happened around him out but the pleasant interlude after the earlier row was interrupted with more yelling from downstairs. 'Great. Here we go again'. Nash tried to ignore it like usual but somehow this was paired with a lot more noise and stomping. It seemed like a bunch of horses were coming up the stairs and he was quick to discard the headphones. Was that his father yelling in protection of Jace? Yea, this was definitely different somehow.
He sat up in bed, then swung his left leg out, followed by his right leg as he stood and grabbed a shirt. Nash went to open his door and he shrugged into the shirt so he wouldn’t be standing there in just his boxer shorts with his hair sticking right up without knowing what he would be facing. ”What the fuck is going on?” he uttered before seeing police officers swarmed about. ”Shit….” Yup. This was it. It had happened after all. For fuck’s sake, Jace had finally taken things too far somewhere or with someone. Why else would the police come to their house to take him with them?
It was Jace’s own damn fault. Right?
Dad’s reaction still didn’t sit right with the fifteen year old. It was different than it usually was because if Jace had messed up again their father would’ve been yelling at the boy instead of the officers and the tension that could be felt was enough to know this was serious business. Nash felt confused, ”Are they taking Jace?! What's going on?!”
Stephen couldn't get over how much wrangling it had took him that morning to get a bunch of college kids to agree when to next see each other for their study group. Sure, they were all part time students, or barely part time, with summer going on, he got that. It was hard to stay motivated when there were better things to do, but still, he had wanted to rip his hair out dealing with Teddy, Wynnie, and Charlie - all of them different majors yet stuck in this same stupid class. Either way, it was done, and decided upon and they went their separate ways. After those two and a half hours, Stephen decided that he didn't want to remain on campus for any longer and decided to head home and hang out.
Vi was busy, so was Maelle and Gwyn. All the girls he would annoy to hang out with him were unavailable, which turned his attention towards his brothers and Stephen couldn't help but to have a suspicious feeling that Nash was hiding something. What, he wasn't sure, but it was something. And Stephen figured it would be a great way to practice his investigative journalism skills. Getting into the car, he pulled out of the campus parking lot and headed back to the family home out in Oldaker. Entering the neighborhood, green eyes took in everything. He passed a black SUV, which oddly seemed out of place - mainly because it was just sitting there and almost looked too utilitarian for the neighborhood.
He lightly pumped the breaks, just slow enough to his green eyes could pass a glance at it. The windows were tinted enough to obscure the inside but...was that Keith? Nah, it couldn't be, and Stephen just drove on past it. He had better things to be curious about, such as Nash. A block or two later though, Stephen found himself slamming the breaks quite fast, gawking at his house. There were police cars, what looked like an ambulance, and the door was wide open, "What the fuck?" The young man had never parked so fast before in his life, and it wasn't even in front of his house thanks to these stupid authorities' cars. And just like that, he swung the car door open and scrambled out of the car, running towards the house.
Inside was even more chaotic, he heard his dad yelling, Jace screaming, and Nash yelling as well, "Dad?!" He didn't bother yelling out his brothers' names, they had to be close by as he followed the commotion Those uniformed people were trying to manhandle Jace, and he could see his dad going into the ole Shaun Breckah fighting mode. Fuck. That had been Keith he drove by earlier. To his left, there was a bewildered Nash in his boxers and a undershirt, his dad looking like he was going deck someone out as the uniforms circled him now, and hten Jace. Poor Jace bellowing like a wounded animal, "What the fuck is going on?" he hissed at Nash, looking wildly at the scene before glancing back towards their dad, "Dad! What do you want us to do?!"
Save your lovin' arms for a rainy day and i'll find comfort in my pain
thanks aofie!
TWENTY ONE . JOURNALISM STUDENT . CRUSHING ON VIOLET YIEL OLSON CLAN BRECKAH ☠︎
Tips of well-manicured fingers for a nurse, tapped on the side of the door. Keith could hear everything for the most part. The sound of his father wanting to fight an officer off Jace. How rich. Then, there was Nash. Keith only knew the voice, mainly from when he saw Nash in Midsummer Night. He was...what was it again? Puck? He was quite good. Keith enjoyed his performance. Last, but not least – Stephen. The brother he was sure Dad didn’t feel any guilt over ending a strong career. Or if there was any, it was evident that it wasn’t shown.
Chaos ensued. There was more screaming and orders being barked. Even the sound of what could possibly be glass. Keith could hear more of the vocals than the background, and even then – it was still a mystery what happening. It felt like a few years, but maybe an hour or even more. Keith’s phone rang and he answered. “Hello…yes, I see. No, don’t give him any dosages. Just do physical restraints…Yes, of course. See if you can get him calm before you drive. Maybe twenty minutes? He’ll be prone to hurt himself, I have a feeling of that. Just monitor him.…. Okay, thank you.” Keith closed his phone, happy to hear the home staff got Jace safely into their van. Albeit…a bit more mangled than he had hoped. But they were the best of the best. It was one of the reasons he chose them.
The signal to go to the house still hadn’t gone off yet, so he waited. He was sure his father and his brothers would need some medical care. From the screaming, he would be surprised if anyone didn’t need it.
Shaun Breckah had seen red before. Seen red when trouble came knocking, when fighters got personal in the ring - seen it and been able to recognise and control himself. To stop himself. But it wasn’t red anymore, it was pitch black and unfathomable. He didn’t care that he lashed out at the cops trying to hold him aside, didn’t even give it a second thought - faces he’d grown to know from all the times Jace had been brought home in the back seat of a cruiser. Between Jace’s screaming and the voices of two other boys he couldn’t fully identify, the yelling of cops and other people he could not identify - so much going on, so many bodies in the hallway but still he heard the shattering of glass, such a loud noise in the chaos.
Pushed aside, yelled at, roaring back Shaun couldn’t stop Jace being pulled from the house, watching almost entirely defenceless as his son was taken out the front door.
“Stay out of the way!” Shaun bellowed, rounding on the nearest cop, tears streaming down his face.
A wiser, more rational man would’ve stopped, but Shaun Breckah didn’t know the meaning of defeat. He should’ve stopped, stopped making everything so much worse but he couldn’t stop fighting. Finally he was forced to stop, one of the cops pulling his bad arm behind his back and applied pressure to the semi-frozen joint earning a cry of pain. There were words being spoken on deaf ears and suddenly he was let go, staggering and clutching at his shoulder. There was someone trying to see if he was visibly wounded but he immediately snarled at them to get away.
Shaking with anger, Shaun looked at the glass on the floor - noticed the family photo on the ground now trampled and torn - torn straight through his wife’s glowing smile. He stared at it. The only picture they all had with all the children present. A simpler time, now a shattered memory. He stood there seething but he didn’t look at the boys, couldn’t.
“They’re taking Jace away,” he growled, “Because I failed him.”
It was a bitter pill to swallow. “Now where the fuck is that ingrate?!” he barked, looking at the straggling officers, “Where the fuck is he?! Where is that bastard so I can gut him like a fish!”
”Dad?!” it was all Nash was able to blurt out again as it felt like the police were ransacking their entire home while their father tried to fight them off. It all happened too fast for Nash to even comprehend. Too fast to do anything and it seemed to be over before he had gotten a grasp on the entire situation. Dad was screaming, crying even, and attacking the intruders in a way he had never seen before while Jace was yelling as he was literally being dragged out of the house. The seventeen year old fought vigorously but sounded scared and frightened which was something Nash hadn’t heard much lately from his older brother. ”JACE!” he managed to call after the other boy but wasn’t even sure it could be heard with all the loud and hard sounds swirling around them.
”Let go of him!!” Nash had tried as he practically slid his hands down the rails and made it down the stairs in no time without using his feet. But it was done, Jace was shoved into a van and it was too late. ”Stephen?!” The words a desperate cry as he looked around, ”do something….” Dad looked broken, and not only in the figurative sense. Crushed and defeated. This was serious.
Nash ran a hand through his hair, the confusion and emotional pain of it all hitting him hard. Fuck, wasn’t this what he had told his father should happen? To let the cops just take Jace with them? Had he manifested this? Shit, shit, shit. This was not how things were supposed to go down. What had his father told him just the other day? ’We’re all family and that means no man gets left behind’. Fuck.
Nash heard his father’s growls about having failed Jace at the same time as he laid his eyes on the shattered picture frame and tears started to surface. Sorry, mum. There was no time to give into his emotions right now though, there would be time for that later. His father’s loud bark snapped him back to reality. 'Gut him like a fish?' What? Who was he even talking about?
There wasn't often a time where Stephen was knocked completely speechless. Growing up in the Breckah household always meant being quick on the feet and with the comebacks in order to survive - having six brothers did that, however, life seemed to finally find a way to shut him up. Green eyes flickered back and forth between all of the cops and medical personal, he didn't know what to say, he didn't even fucking know on what to do. It was also weird to see someone other than their father man handle Jace. All the yelling that was going on seemed to fall on deaf ears though, the house invaders didn't care. Why should they? They were just doing a job.
His father was crying now, he wasn't sure if he had ever witnessed that before. This wasn't fair, Shaun Breckah had actually started getting his shit together these past few months and now, it was likely all going to fall apart in a matter of seconds. And then, besides him, a voice popped up. Nash. Telling him to do something. It took every once of self control in Stephen's body and mind to not shoot his younger brother an incredulous look of 'what the fuck am I suppose to do', "I'm working on it, Nash." The young man knew that punching a cop was out of the question, and even if he did want to, it'd be pointless. There were more of them than him. The odds were stacked against them.
The house had cleared, his father along with them, and soon Nash was gone too. Green eyes passed over the wreck of a house now. How could this all happen. Too bad he didn't even seem to have a moment to spare to text Derek or Mav, although, bringing more brothers into the mix, he wasn't sure what good that would do him. Quickly, he headed outside now, getting his answer. They were taking Jace away because of some failure, "What failure?" Stephen asked stupidly, but then it clicked. All of those missed appointments because they couldn't get Jace out of the fucking house for their Dad. Every time they tried, it turned into a mad house. Stephen pointedly remembered nearly being decapacitated by a heavy book, "What, there was a deadline for getting him to the doctors?"
Well shit, had he known that, he would have tried harder to figure out whatever the fuck it was their mom had done to keep whatever was going on in Jace at bay. None of that mattered now, it was a moot point. There were more urgent matters, such as his dad yelling at the cops about gutting someone like a fish, and Nash standing there watching this all go down, looking nearly freaked out. But Stephen thought about that SUV, and who in that SUV and had been back in town worked in a psych ward, "Fucking Keith..." he hissed under his breath, was he actually going to show? That guy would have some balls if he did, "Dad! Stop saying shit like that. They can use it against you!" Like hell that would fix anything. Green eyes cast glance at his brother now, "Nash, if this goes south with dad, you need to get inside and call Derek or somebody. Do not physically get involved."
Save your lovin' arms for a rainy day and i'll find comfort in my pain
thanks aofie!
TWENTY ONE . JOURNALISM STUDENT . CRUSHING ON VIOLET YIEL OLSON CLAN BRECKAH ☠︎
Keith couldn’t help but chuckle at his father’s statements. But he would explain everything, it didn’t matter now. The band aid was off now, and the pain was about to be revealed. When Keith got the call, the car began to move. His family was moved upstairs to calm down. He knew they probably wouldn’t talk, but that was fine.
He entered his childhood home, looking around at the carnage. A shame it had to be this way. Keith took a seat in the leather seat that he had claimed years ago, finding a photo album that had toppled over. It was a more recent one. One he wasn’t in.
Fingers flipped through the pages as he heard his father and his siblings being ushered into the living room, all forced onto the couch to face him. “It’s true,” Keith started. “I am an ingrate, but why should I be grateful for a failure of a father?” Keith snapped the photo album shut, before gingerly placing it on the coffee table next to him. “Try to gut me like a fish, and you’ll lose more than Jace.”
His eyes were stinging now, with rage and sadness. “I didn’t want to do this, you know?” he added – standing up, moving around the living room he hadn’t stepped into for years. “I didn’t even want to step into this home, a place I knew I never and would never belong in.” The tears began now. “But how could I stand around, knowing that this household was suffering? How could I not do anything? Why the fuck didn’t you and mom try harder? Jace has been battling his demons, for what? Ten years? What fucking kind of parents do that? Oh, right..I know..neglectful ones.”
He stopped, not caring that his eyes were red now. Those emotions everyone wanted to see. They were here now. “Why would I expect a man that was never around for me, to try and help his son that is severely mentally ill? Why would I expect a man who doesn’t even know any of his son’s interests to know what to do to support them? When you and Mom once told me to be the man, this wasn’t what I was expecting it to be. I wasn’t expecting parentification at such a young age because you and Mom couldn’t stop popping up children. Tell me, Dad, was I even fucking wanted? How many of us were even fucking planned?”
Keith could remember it clearly. When he was raging when his teenage self was writhing in pain from the lessons that his grandfather instilled in him. Dad and Mom, not answering their phones. Why? Because they were so occupied with Nash having a fever. Mom, who always answered her phone didn’t even pick up. So what did Keith do? He did what landed him in jail. Landed him in the dark cell, which forced him to realize that his parents…his parents didn’t care. “I had to argue with the judge, Dad, I had to convince him Jace was the only person that was in danger. I had to convince him that you were fully capable of taking care of everyone else when Jace is in treatment. Despite the evidence, despite the testimony of people around us.”
Keith turned his attention to Stephen, the third eldest. Face wet, nose red, lips trembling. “You want to know the real reason I left, Stephen? The awful truth of why I decided to leave. It was because I fucking resented every single brother that was brought into this goddamn house. Mom was an angel to almost every single of us, but as the oldest – it was like I was pushed the fuck aside. Do you know what she told me when I came home from jail? I love you, Keith. But I need you to do better. No, I’m sorry this happened. No, acknowledging that she may have caused me to become this way. No way of showing comfort to me. She had the audacity to tell me I had to watch the home, while she and Dad took you all to the beach. Why the fuck wasn’t I allowed to go to the beach? Where was all the equal love that everyone kept talking about?”
His breath and mind were blurred. Evident that it was all something he wanted to scream for years. “I tried so fucking hard to be the best fucking son and brother,” Keith croaked. “I tried so fucking hard, but I got no ounce of validation. This, me crying…would make you train me harder. No tears allowed Keith. Champions don’t fucking cry, Keith.”
He flopped back into the leather seat and rested his face in his palms. His eyes were closed, allowing him a few minutes to control his breathing. Keith looked up again, pushing his damp hair back. He was now disheveled. That clean, ridged look he had given Mav, Stephen, and Dad was now gone. Keith was vulnerable. “Answer me, Dad,” Keith croaked, sitting fully up, slouching. “How much do you know about your own sons? Did you know Nash was an excellent actor? If you did, how are you supporting that? Did you know he was skipping class? And what about Stephen? Did you know he was entering underground fights to help support the family? Dropping out of his dream school. Don’t you have any guilt? Or are you just going to blame everyone else, other than your goddamn self?”
“I don’t get it…” Keith sighed. “I don’t get why I couldn’t get the same love. The same attention…I had to be thrown in the slammer to help me realize, that I don’t fucking belong here and to this family. No Breckah left behind..bull shit.”
"You're getting what you wanted, right? Don't have to fight Jace anymore and you don't have to fucking look at me like I was the biggest mistake."
Shaun let him go, let him rant and rave because he'd gotten better about it. He was not going to stop Keith nor deny him a chance to let it out.
"I think you did want this Keith, to get some sort of revenge or validation for the fact I didn't hug you enough. Your mother and I did try Keith, you just never saw it. You were never here. So I don’t know what you think was going on, but your mother and I tried a lot. Talking to Jace, trying to get him to therapy, something - it was not something that we were able to achieve because every time we tried, Jace flipped out on us. He would rampage against the other boys, but we never stopped. There were good days, where Jace could reason with us and we’d listen, but they were few.”
"Hell you weren't here last night when Jace and I were sat on the landing floor after he'd been swinging at me. Jace and I sat on the landing whilst he balled his eyes out and told me he was sorry. I told him it was alright, he was going to get help, he just had to trust me. We sat like that for three hours Keith, before he passed out and I put him into his bed. I sat beside him a little longer before I went to make sure the rest of the boys were fine."
His face remained angry, but his voice was oddly calm, “Neglectful. Right. Because you were never fed, never bathed, never had a roof over your head or an education. Life is never perfect and no one ever gets what they want, you should know that.”
“Yes Keith, you were wanted - you and your twin sister. Yes, you were a twin. The only twins we ever had, but in some cruel twist Elise was only alive a few hours before she died. Perhaps you would’ve resented her too. Your mother and I never told you about Elise because we didn’t want you to feel poorly about future siblings, but you felt it anyway. Everyone but Jace was planned. We wanted all of you, and when Jace came into the balance, it was too late for us to stop anything. We accepted that by forgoing any sort of precaution could lead us to another child, but we didn’t care at that particular time. Your mother and I discussed the options before we decided that we would accept our responsibility as parents. We could’ve put him up for adoption, left him on some church door step but we didn’t. No Breckah left behind.”
Shaun nodded, “Yes, your mother did say that. I remember that. Did you ever wonder why we never bailed you out of jail? Hmm? Because no matter what your mother said, tried to teach you about respect, you boiled over because you were rejected by a girl. Nothing she’d ever said to you seemed to matter, so we agreed to let you stew in jail, figured you might actually come out with a new view on life. The only view you got however was that we didn’t care, and that the prison warden was a better family for you. And we let you go because that was what you wanted and you’d well made up your mind. You left, you weren’t kicked out.”
"You want truth Keith, I'll give you truth as much as it will be a large and harsh pill to swallow," he retorted, his tone far too calm, "And I doubt you will ever believe me, your mother and I are the villians and perhaps we were. We fucked up. And I won't go with the all too common 'every parent fucks up' line either. And hell, you'll cut down the environment we were raised in too. So let's get to the crux of it, as parents we weren't the greastest. Never rich, never good enough but by Christ we tried to do right by you boys."
Shaun shook his head, "I regret many things Keith, more than you'll ever understand. Some nights I sit here and wonder why I didn't just stop it all on my sixteenth birthday, I had everything I needed to just put a stopper in everything but I didn't and I know even know why I stopped. Was it that I was caught? Or was it because I wanted to prove everyone wrong? I regret not moving away from Ireland sooner. I regret standing by and watching my father belt another boy half to death, not acting and stopping him. I regret not being home more. I regret how I raised you all. I regret having emotions and feelings, and fucking you all up. I regret everyone having to step in when I broke down. I regret so much, but you don't here me whimpering over it every damned day. I know I fucked up. I’ve fucked up by trying, by not trying, by working - everything I do is doomed and I get it. I’m a bad parent but I’ve tried.”
“How much I know depends on what you boys elect to tell me. I know Mav works out at the stables and does a good job. I know Creven likes to play soccer and that Nash acts - again, you haven’t been here, but I’ve been going to watch where I can between house work and running the business. I trust in my sons to talk to me, to tell me when things aren’t right - I was not aware of anyone dropping classes, no letters or calls have reached me. I wasn’t aware that Stephen was doing something so stupid, but that ends now. Everyone has secrets Keith, you included. So shit is getting fixed right now.” Shaun shook his head, “We tried to love you Keith, but were always so damned prickly and hard to understand. Perhaps you only care to remember stuff that hurt you personally, I just don’t know you.” “I didn’t want this Keith, you did. You put your nose back where you have claimed yourself, didn’t feel wanted or belonged, but you did it anyway. Perhaps for the betterment of Jace, but like I said, you haven’t been here, and you said you never wanted to step foot into the house. You weren’t my biggest fucking mistake Keith, none of you ever were. My biggest fucking mistake was falling in love.”
Carefully he reclined back, “Stephen, could you grab my phone for me please. There is a family meeting, effective immediately. We might as well clear the air with everyone. I don’t like having to repeat myself.”
’Fucking Keith…’ Nash tried to wrap his head around Stephen’s word asking about doctor visits deadlines and the order to call Derek if things went sound but before he could even acknowledge that they were guided back around the house and ushered into the family room. Why were people talking about Keith? Was he there? And why didn’t he help if he was? Nash had been eight when Keith moved out, the time before that mostly a blur and he didn't have many active memories of the days when his brother had been detained. It felt comforting and familiar to see him at the house again after everything that had happened over the last six months even when it became clear pretty fast that it was anything but a pleasant visit.
The room, as well as the rest of the house, was a mess but his oldest brother seemed to come across as cool and collected as he sat pontifical in the leather chair. The tension rose with every word that was being spewed out though and it was obvious he was raging and maybe even feeling left out or something? He said he had wanted to help Jace? Well it sure didn’t look like that’s what he achieved? Who did he think he was anyways? The fucking president of their family? Who gave him the right to let those people come in here, make dad cry and let them take Jace away? Had times not been rough enough for everyone already?
Nash was shocked by the amount of violence there was in the accusations that were flying around and it made his head spin. Maybe it wasn’t fair towards his parents but Keith’s words were also making him doubt everything he thought was his home and family, his safe haven. How could Keith make it seem like he never had any love? Was he telling the truth? Why hadn’t he been able to come to the beach? It had evidently hurt the oldest Breckah immensely. Dad looked angry but his voice was calm and Nash wasn’t sure if that was a good thing in a situation like this one. The patriarch then dropped another bomb. Elise? Holy fuck on a cracker! Mum and dad had a daughter?! Keith had been a twin and nobody ever knew about it? There had been a sister? Nash wasn’t even sure he caught everything that was being said, nor understood the underlying meaning of it all, all he knew was that this was something massive and like nothing before.
Dad had been honest when he had said ‘No Breckah left behind’, right? He had…hadn’t he? Maybe Keith had just misunderstood it all? Yea, right, Nash. Get a grip. This was a grown ass man with a lot of anger and for the first time in his young life the fifteen year old wondered if maybe he didn't know squat about his own damn family. Maybe things were different than he had always heard about or assumed, maybe Keith just needed some understanding? Just like Jace? He was even saying how much of an excellent actor he was and it made Nash feel good to see his family was appreciative of his skills.
Shit…
Well, those thoughts flew out the window the moment the oldest son started talking about his younger brothers. First he completely went off on dad and now he was taking everyone else down with him? The skipping class was nothing compared to all that was being thrown on the table right now. Nash looked at Stephen, he had been doing underground fights ?! No wonder the journalism student was so tired and drained, and just to support all of them financially? Then there was dad saying the words that hurt the most: ’My biggest fucking mistake was falling in love’. Mum. No, no way. She didn’t deserve any of this.
”Oh fuck you, Keith” the mumblings were out before he even knew it and Nash leaned back into the couch pillows as he folded his arms over his chest, half ashamed of even getting involved. Maybe it was best to keep his mouth shut since he was probably too young to understand anyways but things had started to get more personal and he wasn’t going to let anyone drag Tracey’s name through the mud.
There was something to be said about getting herded in your own house like cattle. It was fucking weird as hell, given that this house had always been a sanctuary from the outside world. Or well, at least, his bedroom certainly had been. Now it felt robbed of that, there was nothing safe about having people come through and destroy things and hauling your brother out. Yeah, Jace hadn't exactly been the easiest to deal with (okay, understatement of the year), but even Stephen was certain that the seventeen year old hadn't deserved that treatment. Currently though, Jace getting hauled out of the house felt like a distant memory compared to now after getting shuffled into the family area and there was Keith - sitting there like Dr. Evil and looking like he owned the place, owned them.
It was funny, back at the Dinner, the young man had never thought Keith capable of all of this. Yeah, he came off as cold and distant, but fucking up the family like this? Stephen hadn't saw it coming. Some investigative journalist he was. Granted, it's not like he had been looking for a problem in his eldest brother. The guy had just become this sort of myth, a legend almost. Somebody whom Stephen remembered and knew existed, but that was about it. Well, that cold mask was off for now, it had cracked something ugly and all of the emotions were tumbling up, clearly built up too long behind a protective dam that had finally broke. Truth be told, Stephen wasn't even sure who this argument was about now: was it really about Jace? Or was it about Keith's feelings with their dad and mom.
He cringed a little bit when his eldest brother outed him out to his dad about the underground fighting. That had certainly been a low blow, but he bit his tongue. Besides him, Stephen knew that his dad was gearing up to rip into Keith, that sort of dark furry was emitting right next to him. Out of the corner of his green eyes, he could see Shaun Breckah tensing up. It was a high strung taunt body language that he knew all too well in this household. On the other side of him was Nash, who clearly looked equally taken aback as him by Keith's words. The young male thought he had been prepared for whatever his dad would have to say, but he wasn't. Between finding out that they had a dead sister and his dad claiming that they worst thing he had ever done was fall in love, Stephen didn't know what to say.
Being told to grab the family phone was enough to snap him back to the current reality that this was. Go grab the phone for a family meeting? Stephen hesitated for a moment, looking between his father and his eldest brother - uncertain if he was willing to leave the two of them alone in a room because let's be honest, Nash's noodle arms couldn't stop a brawl between those two. Still, he quickly left and returned right back with the phone so that his Dad could light some sort of bat signal via text. Green eyes looked towards Keith once more and dared to ask, "Are you staying for this?" Something told him no, and Stephen couldn't help but to wonder if his eldest brother had someone to go to after this blow out.
Save your lovin' arms for a rainy day and i'll find comfort in my pain
thanks aofie!
TWENTY ONE . JOURNALISM STUDENT . CRUSHING ON VIOLET YIEL OLSON CLAN BRECKAH ☠︎
“You’re right dad, I haven’t been here – but it’s my job to understand Jace. It’s my job to understand people like him. Because I work as a psych nurse. I help people like Jace almost 24/7. So you think you’ve seen it in all in Jace? Please, imagine Jace as a 280lbs (127kg) man. Coming at you with a pen screaming Jefferson told him to kill you. Someone that attempts to bite your neck because their brain is wired in a way that makes them think they’re Dracula. I did this because I know what an untreated person becomes. Do you want to be the parent that has their child kill themselves because they never got the resources they needed? Or have Jace fuck up so bad he’s in jail for the rest of his life, possibly on the streets, bumming cigarettes and alcohol? Because that’s the goddamn path. I’ve seen it with my two own eyes, and the scars on my back.”
Keith wasn’t surprised about Elise. Maybe he should’ve been, but if there was another thing that his parents taught him – it was to become observant. He remembered the one time he saw his mom set up an extra place setting, on his birthday. Keith, being young – had asked. She had told him an aunt may be able to stop by, but they never did. He didn’t find anything wrong with it until he stopped by his parents’ room when he was thirteen. He heard Mom softly singing happy birthday through the cracked door, with that mysterious extra place setting – a slice of cake on it.
“That’s one of your regrets, Dad? Having emotions and feelings? No wonder this family is so goddamn fucked up. Those are two things that should be so fucking normal, but you just never allowed it.” Keith’s tone was now matching his father’s. Anger, a feeling of pure rage. An evident sign that could be seen ghosting its way up Keith’s spine. He grabbed a chair and placed it in front of Shaun. The chair was backward, almost as a precautionary border between them. Keith sat in it, arms resting on the back of the chair. But he was close enough that his breath could be felt, and the faints of possible horns could be imagined.
“Trust your sons to tell you? Trust? Please….you want secrets then, Dad?” Keith snarled. “Here are some of my fucking secrets.” Keith, now – it didn’t matter the outcome. His secrets were known already, but not to Shaun. “When I was five, I came home with a massive black eye. I mean, my eye was swollen shut. Grandma told you I fell off the playground set, falling to my untimely doom. Face hitting the bottom of the slide. But that was a lie. Gramps had slapped me across my face so hard, my eye swelled up. Why? Because he saw me play with dolls with the kids next door. He wanted the slap woman out of men because men don’t do that. I came home, crying. Mom told me to let it out, but when you came home – you told me to buckle up. Pull those bootstraps up, because crying is weakness. Don’t ever show your weaknesses, Keith. No crying allowed; you must be strong.”
Honestly, it wasn’t the worst of it. “Those words made me shut the fuck up, faster than you could have ever imagined. So when I was ten, I came home – looking like I had been in a fight. Bruised, swollen – scratches all over me. I could barely walk. Gramps told you I had trained a bit too hard in the ring. But no, Dad. Stephen had accidentally spilled ice cream all over Grandma’s new kitchen set. I took the blame for it because that’s what protective older brothers do, right? Be the bigger person Keith. What does Gramps do? He takes me to the gym, telling Grandma to drop off Stephen. Drops me in the ring where some of his friends and clients are working drills. Do you want to know what that man told them to do? Correct me, Dad. Told them to correct my attitude. Then left. Those people did things to me, a child should never go through. Touched me in ways that scared me. But you know what I didn’t do? Cry. I didn’t cry because my own father told me not to. Because don’t show weakness, Keith.” Those words lingered in the air, like the smog of 19th-century London. Thick, black, and deadly. Keith remained silent, letting those words marinate in Shaun’s head to maybe, just maybe, trigger a memory of sorts. His eyes stared deep into Shaun’s eyes, not expecting anything. The same as always.
“Prickly and hard, because you allowed nothing else.” Keith stood up and placed the chair in its original resting spot. His back was to his family, allowing them to witness the deconstruction of his muscles. The tenseness melted away, like some weird body suit. To an untrained eye, an almost too fast of a change. His visible tattoos rippled as he clenched and released his fists a few times, a few rhythmic breaths.
“They were a better fit because they allowed me to show the things you told me not to,” Keith added, still facing away. His eyes were closed – allowing some reconnection of breath control to the heartbeat. “He allowed me to cry, punch the pillows, and bruise my knuckles. No judgment. No correction of punching form. No snark remarks. His wife was the first person to realize how troubled I was. How my trauma was eating away at me. They were the first to know. But in the right world, it would’ve been you and Mom. But like you said, I had to trust you to tell you.”
He turned around the words that were uttered from Nash’s mouth earlier, blowing over him. Like a small summer breeze. A whisper, but nothing that was dangerous or caused concern. He walked over to the bag that he had carried in and opened it. He grabbed the file and placed it on the table. “This is all the info on, Hollow Brooke, where I’ve placed Jace. An hour away, longer depending on the weather. It’s a max, of six patients. All with similar symptoms to Jace and close to age. Medication is not coerced or forced. It’s not a hospital, but a treatment home. No one will be allowed to see him in person for a month. Calls are welcomed, only if he wants to receive them. After that month, two people at a time can come to visit him. With me or one of the staff supervising. I am the point person, but I can have another person come and sign to receive all medical updates.” Sure, his father and brothers could argue with him, but that was the guidelines. And Keith, now they knew, would stand by his word.
Keith gathered himself together, running his hand through his hair before grabbing his bag. “Any other questions, you can call me.” He looked at Stephen. “No,” Keith said. “Like Dad, I don’t like repeating myself. I also know myself. Call it selfish, but I call it – protecting myself and everyone else.” He started to walk to the entrance of the living room before stopping. Keith stood there for a breath before turning around.
“You’re right, Dad. You and Mom didn’t understand me. But you never gave me a chance to be understood.” His face was calm now. Tired, swollen, but a bit more relaxed. “So I hope you’re able to give that to the rest of them.”
Shaun didn’t flinch, there was just some kind of fucked up wiring in his brain that kept him from reacting as Ketih spat back at him. He never once physically hurt his kids, he’d never needed to raise a hand, but even now as his oldest loomed, the thought of grabbing him by the neck and pushing him against the nearest wall was overwhelming. The way Keith snarled at him, matched his anger, he thought about his father. How violent he’d been - how often he’d been beaten senseless and still forced to practise in the boxing ring. All he’d ever wanted for his boys was for them to be better than him, better than all of them. And somehow all he’d done was make some kind of carbon copy.
“I don’t wish a single moment for him to take his own life Keith,” he growled back, his voice trembling, “Never. And I would’ve let him stab me a thousand times over.”
His expression didn’t change despite the tear that escaped to run down his cheek, even as Keith moved to sit down in front of him.
“I regret love, you blind fool,” he barked, “I have emotions and feelings but I’ve been told time and time again to stow it because how I feel about anything is invalid. I’ve always had to stow things. So why should I show it? Why should I show how I feel when doing that is so wrong by everyone’s standards, huh? I try, that ain’t good enough. I try harder, I still get told off. So I stay away, and I’m not human enough.”
He could feel his lip trembling as Keith let out everything, aired out moments he’d kept stashed away. And something broke, he felt it, as Keith told him what had happened. The colour washed out of his face as the implications hit him. He looked at Keith’s face, imprinting that look of hurt on his brain, sinking it into his memory. He’d failed. He’d failed so badly.
“Ní raibh a fhios agam. Ní dúirt tú riamh,” Shaun whispered, “You never said a single thing to either of us. I might’ve said never cry, but I never said that hiding something was a good thing. If you’d have said something I would’ve acted. I never wanted you boys near him, never, but he kept interjecting into our lives… Tá brón orm. I didn’t know he’d go that far.”
Shaun nodded, listening. It was like a knife was being twisted in some dark space. Somehow, he knew he was responsible for hurting Keith. He felt wrong, sick, like he’d been compliant in a crime he never committed. The rest of Keith’s words registered, but he didn’t react. Frozen in place as he held his hand over his mouth and made no motion to stop the steady trickle of tears, torn between actions. He gave one brief nod at the end of Keith’s explanations and forced his voice to work again.
“Understood,” he replied, defeated, “Family meeting is at six tonight, dinner will be provided and the door will be open if you change your mind.”
He made no move to stand, he wasn’t even sure if he could. Wasn’t even sure he’d be allowed to walk Keith out that door. So he just sat there, staring directly at the wall across from him. He didn’t know what to do anymore. Was there anything he could do? He sincerely doubted it. There was no fixing that. There was changing the past and if he interfered, how much more could Keith hate him?
Translation / Notes:
- "Ní raibh a fhios agam. Ní dúirt tú riamh" - "I didn't know. You never said."
This had not turned out to be the morning Nash had hoped for. Just when he figured it was the end of things, things he hadn’t even begun to process or understand yet, another fleet of revelations came crashing down on them. Granddad had actually laid his hands on Keith? Made others fight him to let him see every corner of the boxing ring when he hadn’t even deserved it? Fuck that. Nash swallowed as tears started to form in his eyes. Why hadn’t anyone noticed? Why hadn’t Keith said anything? Why throw all of this out right now when things were hard enough anyways?
The tension in the room had suddenly taken a drastic turn and it almost felt like that afternoon they had laid mum to rest. Heartache along with pain, regrets and grief. A feeling Nash had hoped never to feel again. Dad started mumbling and whispering words in his native language that made no sense to the fifteen year old, all he knew were the Irish words from the nursery rhymes mum used to sing to them. All he knew right now though was that when the Irish vocabulary came out, it meant it had affected the man deeply, very deeply.
Hollow Brooke. Nash had never heard of it before but that’s where his oldest brother had apparently locked Jace up, even if he made it sound like it was some sort of damn vacation resort. No calls for the first month, supervised visits. Sounded like a fucking prison.
’Family meeting at six’. Fine. Was he allowed to leave now? He had plans for fucks sake even if he wasn’t sure he was in the mood anymore after all this, then again, he could certainly use the distraction. Dad was defeated and done for, that was for sure but Shaun Breckah wasn’t going to show that to his sons anyways, he was just going to be his stupid stubborn self something which Nash thought had finally changed some over the past couple of weeks. Nope, it was clear they were back at square one so why should he be lingering about the house all day for nothing. Fuck that. And Keith. All he really needed right now was his mum. Someone to tell him it was all going to be okay .
Nash watched Keith go through the doorway and just sat there for a few moments, not sure what would happen if he spoke up earlier than he did. Getting up he twisted his mouth and swallowed, needing to get out of there. ”Guess I'll be home for dinner for a change” he said and turned to make his way upstairs to grab his things to leave. “Can’t wait ....” the clipped words were laced with sarcasm but it was only to hide the real emotions as there was no way he was going to break down right now. Heck, this wasn’t even his fight to fight, was it? So why did it hurt so freakin' much?
