Welcome to Hickstead, home to both Seven Oak Stables, and Blue Acre - two rival stables. Both offer opportunities for their clients to reach the highest level of excellence. Each stable differs from the other, so choose wisely and never forget, loyalty is everything... Meanwhile as the stables battle it out, there's trouble brewing at the university. Be careful, if you don't pick a side you may get caught in the cross-fire...
This is an chilled out rpg with a super friendly and relaxed atmosphere! Remember to sign up with your characters full name in all caps and don't forget to do your claims! Thank you and Welcome, we've been established since 10th March 2009 but unfortunately have had to close guest view of our boards due to multiple sites ripping off our hard work, such a shame! Come chat to us in Discord before joining if you like!.
Joel had never felt so unlike himself as he did right now. The guy that had a quick grin and a ready laugh for anyone, felt like his humour button was broken. He didn't have a quick wit right now. Unlike some people who came back from war with their minds racing a million miles an hour, his mind was silent. Eerily so - just dead and empty quiet. It had been that way for some weeks. He supposed it was from his ordeal, from shutting down as a way of handling it. The problem was he didn't know how to switch it back on. He knew he was worrying his friends, but that they would understand - that they did understand it. He hadn't known them when they'd returned from war, but he could only imagine. He got it now, he understood why they came so broken. That was how he felt. What he didn't get, was why they would ever chose to go back. The people that chose it over and over.
The airplane had felt claustrophobic, but he'd managed it. A short flight was all it had taken but the crowd of people was a lot to take in. His stint in the army had been relatively short, in comparison to others. A few months, that was it. It was enough though, to feel distant from the world, to feel like an outsider. It was like nothing he'd ever experienced before, and considering all the places he had been and all the jobs he had done, that was saying something. To be thrust out into an active war zone with 6 weeks of crash course bootcamp, with a group of guys he'd never met and never known before that time, to then have to trust each other with their lives, to follow each other no matter was - regardless of if they believed it was right or wrong. He'd done that. He was a rookie and a wild card, and he could not replace Dustin's experience and knowledge. He'd been a dogs body but he'd been the joker, the one that managed a laugh out of everyone even on the worst night.
He'd buried friends. He'd never thought that would have happened to him, but he had. He'd lost people. They'd gone wrong, they'd taken a wrong decision somewhere, and the next thing he'd known the world had gone to shit, everything had exploded, they'd hit enemy territory and stumbled right into the lion's den. Half of them had been killed, the other half taken captive. Joel didn't want to think about that time. He wasn't ready yet. His friend's wouldn't let him carry his pack, and he knew that it was the broken arm and the dislocated shoulder that was stopping them, but he felt naked without it over his good shoulder. Of course, he needed what was left of his good arm to hold the crutch as he hobbled out of the terminal. Dustin and Avery were somewhere at his back, watching his six for them, not saying it - but he knew. They were there, because they knew that otherwise, he'd be paranoid someone was behind him. His eyes sought every face, wanting to keep tabs on everyone, but behind the eyes not much was there. Bone tired weariness, empty mind, running on instinct.
Since learning that Joel was missing, Lani had been a bit of a mess, and it had been affecting everything; her work, and her night classes. Thankfully her boss and her tutor were both understanding and had cut her a little slack.
As she drove to the airport, she gave herself a mental rundown, reminding herself that she needed to hold her shit together when she saw him. She bit down on her lip as she glanced in the mirror. What if he didn't want to see her? She swallowed hard and shook her head as she concentrated on driving and finding a carpark. She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she looked at the airport, wondering if she should even be here. She knew that Joel had friends here, did he really need her too? She dragged her hands through her hair and then pulled it back into a ponytail and released a heavy breath before she stepped out of the car and headed into the airport before she did decide she wasn't needed here.
The wait probably wasn't as long as it felt, though it was long enough that she redid her hair three times, finally leaving it down as she played with the ends that had fallen over her shoulder, trying not to bounce on the balls of her feet. "Joel!" The name slipped out as a whisper as soon as she saw him, her brows flying up as she took in the sight of him, blinking a couple of times to make sure she wasn't imagining it. All thoughts of holding it together went out the door though as she raced toward him. "Joel!"
He hadn't known who else would be there. He'd hoped, somewhere in the back of his mind at least - the front of his mind was not being overly helpful other than to be watchful of every person that came within his radius. The bustle of people kept his tired mind busy and he didn't know how Dustin and Avery had done it; come back after so long away and just assimilated back into society. He glanced over his shoulder at them, a wary gaze, unlike his previous careful, light hearted expression. He'd get it back some day, but he had ghosts to get past first.
"Joel!" He thought he'd imagined it at first, so stuck deep in his weird new reality, and he blinked, trying to pull himself out of it. He hadn't though. It was real. He knew that voice. His head turned toward it, to see her flying through the crowd toward him. Maybe it was madness, that he hadn't been around her that much and yet the way his heart sang to see her, and a small weight lifted from his chest, his lungs suddenly able to fill with air that they hadn't been able to before. But whatever it was, he'd gladly take it. Her letters had been one of the only things getting him through each day, the idea of coming back home to her. He opened his arms and as she barreled his way, he brought her home, wrapping his good arm around her and lifting slightly. He had to drop the crutch to do it, staggered a little at the impact, his plastered arm protested a little, but he didn't care. He buried his face in her hair without a second thought and his arm tightened involuntarily. "Lani," He whispered, his voice cracking a little as he took a shuddering breath.
Somehow she didn't manage to crash into anyone on her way to Joel, and before she reached him, her brain took in the cutch and the cast, but that didn't stop her feet from moving and she crashed against him. "Lani," She burst into relieved tears as she held onto him, taking comfort as his arm closed around her. "Welcome home." She whispered.
She knew that she should let him go, as she had told herself she would never be one of those girls that went crazy when their beau was away. However, she was afraid that if she let him go, she'd wake up and find that this had all been a dream. She had so many questions for him, but she also didn't want to ask how he was, as that would probably open a can of worms that he didn't want to deal with, and she was just glad that he was right there. "I should have brought your hat." She said and then laughed, as that had to be the most random thing she could have possibly said, plus she didn't even know if he remembered that she said she was going to get him a hat with cowboy up on it.
He heard her tears, heard the way she burst into them and despite that numb feeling that had settled over him, he still felt a wave of sadness for the fact that she was upset, for what he had put her through. He hadn't intended to, he'd thought she'd maybe forget about him. Hoped that she would deep down, him and his stupid reckless attitude. He'd thought he was going to die out there, and it had sucked to think that Lani would believe he'd just stopped bothering, but at least she could have moved on. He'd hurt her. He hated that. "Welcome home." His hold tightened for a moment, before he finally released her, his bad arm was protesting more than he liked, and he started to worry he might topple over and hurt Lani.
Joel cleared his throat a little as he removed himself from her, and then he bent to retrieve his crutch, finding Dustin already offering it to him before he took a step back again, leaving them to it. "I should have brought your hat." He blinked, his mind slow as he considered her words, working through his tired memory to link them to their conversation; then he smiled - it was small, and exhausted, but it was there. The first one in a longtime. "I would have liked that." He admitted. "Is it too late? Gift shop maybe?" He made a feeble attempt at a joke as he settled himself back on his feet.
Lani knew that her tears were stupid, but it took a while to stop them from falling and she wanted to hold him close as he moved away. Though she released her hold on him, remembering the cast and the crutch. She scrubbed her hand over her face, regaining her composure, as she shot Dustin a quick look and gave him a silent thank you.
"I would have liked that." She returned his smile. "Is it too late? Gift shop maybe?" She pulled her face, her smile deepening, and shook her head. "I'll pop it on you head the next time I see you." She told him. "I think all the gift shop sell are baseball caps, and just no." She'd had one of the few friends she had left from school send her chocolate coloured leather hat and she had attached a blue ribbon as the hat band positioned just above the brim and she had printed the words cowboy up on the ribbon. So, when she really thought about it, she was actually pleased she hadn't brought the hat with her, as cowboy up was definitely the thing that Joel had done.
She gave Joel a warm smile. "I had better let you get home, I just needed... I needed to see you."
He held her for what felt like an eternity, but it just felt too good to let her go. Something solid in his arms, warm and comforting; safe. He'd been cautious with touch whilst recovering - never one to shy away from it previously, he was wary when people approached him, when someone went to clap him on the shoulder or grip his arm. He hated it, but he knew this was the new normal for him now. This was different though, and he took a deep breath, releasing an exhale that he felt he'd been holding onto since he left England. Dustin watched from a distance, giving them space and catching Lani's gave. He gave a slight nod in response, but didn't smile - he didn't feel he was ready for that yet. It was his fault Joel had gone, his fault Joel had been captured, his fault for bringing Joel home broken.
Joel pulled back carefully, ignoring the aches and pains of his injures as the pain meds failed to hold the feelings at bay a little. The face she pulled made him smile a little again, wishing he could chuckle the way he would have done before. But laughter was hard to come by these days. "I'll pop it on you head the next time I see you." He gave a small nod of agreement. "I think all the gift shop sell are baseball caps, and just no." He cocked his head slightly, a furrow of his brows. "You wouldn't like to see me in a cap?" He mustered the energy to pretend to look offended. "I pull anything off." He added, lips turning up slightly again. "I had better let you get home, I just needed... I needed to see you." He understood that, he really did, and he reached for a hand, bringing it to his lips in a quick kiss. "I am glad you did, thank you for coming." He wanted her to stay, but he didn't know how to ask, and he wasn't sure how he'd feel when he got home.
She felt the absence of his arms as soon as they were gone, and there was a part of her that wanted his arms around her again. She felt safer there, and a part of her felt that she could keep him safe.
"You wouldn't like to see me in a cap?" She pressed her lips together and shrugged. "Not when I want to see you wearing the hat I forgot." She said with another shrug. "I pull anything off." She grinned, her cheeks heating up a little. "Oh, there was never any doubt in that!" She willingly let him take her hand and beamed as he kissed it. "I am glad you did, thank you for coming." She pressed her lips together again, willing herself not to start crying again. She'd never been one of those girls, but she also wasn't annoyed that Joel brought these emotions from her. "Give me a call when it would be a good time for me to visit." She knew it wasn't the same, but she remembered the recovery time her dad had needed after their car accident, so she assumed that Joel's situation would be the same, and he would need the time to find himself again, without too many distractions... like her.
He wanted her back in his hold the moment that he let her go, but much to his disappointment, they couldn't stand hugging in the terminal forever. It had felt like a little piece out of time, holding Lani, like they were in their own space where nobody and nothing could touch them. Then everything had come rushing back, a hard hit of reality, and all that pain and fear and darkness sucked itself right back inside, cloaking all the bits of him that used to be light, hollowing out the bits of him that used to be full. He focused his attention on Lani instead, his little slice of bright in the terrifying dark.
"Not when I want to see you wearing the hat I forgot." He managed a twitch of his lips at that, a faint return of what used to be a mischievous twinkle. "Just the hat, huh? If you wanted to see me naked you just had to ask." though the thought of someone seeing him like that right now made him cringe. The once well defined planes of his chest and stomach now a valley of sharp edges and hollow areas, muscles lost to starvation and the tough conditions of war. The smooth and relatively unblemished skin a canvas of black and blue bruises and a multitude of cuts and scrapes. Ugly. He'd never cared much for his looks before, he'd had enough charm to overcome that, but he had never felt ugly before.
"Oh, there was never any doubt in that!" He responded with a smile, it was fleeting but it counted. "Give me a call when it would be a good time for me to visit." Joel tilted his head slightly, ignoring the thrum of tension the movement caused from the stiffness of his muscles. "Does right now count?" He joked, though it felt a little flat for him. He knew he needed time, and that she would know that too, but he was scared to go home as much as he also wanted to. It scared him, that loneliness, that emptiness, that quiet, as much as he also wanted it. But was also scared him was how he knew nothing would have changed in that flat, and yet he had now been changed beyond repair.
"Just the hat, huh? If you wanted to see me naked you just had to ask." Lani giggled and arched her eyebrows. "Promises, promises." It was easy to fall back into the teasing routine of before he went away. Just for a moment to think that it was only a week since they had been rock climbing, rather than the chasm of time it had really been since she had last seen him. However, that haunted look that Joel had in his eyes reminded her just how much time had passed, and she pressed her lips together mentally shaking off images of the same look being in her father's eyes more often than not after their car crash.
"Does right now count?" She gave him a soft smile, wanting to hug him again but not sure if she should because she'd no doubt start bawling again, and never want to let him go. "As much as I want to say, yes. I think you need your friends more than you do me. You can call me at any time though."
He smiled at her giggle, it was such a light sound, light enough to scare away the darkness that clouded his mind, if only for a moment. Then it swamped back in, a thick smoke hard to penetrate. "Promises, promises." He chuckled at that and gave her a flashy wink with an echo of his old self. God if it wasn't for her... would he even be able to get this far? With nothing waiting for him at the airport but stale memories of home, and how wrong it all felt now, would he even make it off the plane? One foot in front of the other, that would be him for a while now, but there was no need to think about a world without Lani - she was here, warm, safe and solid in his arms, a promise that she was real.
Joel could tell by her smile that she was going to turn him down, and he tried to dampen down on the disappointment of the rejection. "As much as I want to say, yes. I think you need your friends more than you do me. You can call me at any time though." He tried not to let it show, the way the fear clutched at him a bit - empty apartment, the way the space would close up on him and swallow him whole. Send him back down into the pit of darkness he was trying to claw his way out of. He covered it with a grin that didn't quite match his usual. "Worried that you might start trying to tear my clothes off if we're alone, right?" He added the joke to mask the internal fight he had going on, wrinkling his nose instead and carefully putting back on his mask. "I'll be sure to call you all the time." And he meant it too. He already knew he'd spend hours holding his phone, staring at the call button, knowing he shouldn't bother her again but wanting to. "You might even be tempted to change your number." Which he worried might end up being true. A homage to the drastic change in Joel - he didn't worry, he didn't fear, he didn't rely like this, he didn't panic that a girl might turn around and push him away.
Lani knew she had given him the answer he didn't want, she could feel the disappointment more than she could see it - the joys of having disappointed her parents all her life - but she knew she was doing the right thing... well, for now at least. "Worried that you might start trying to tear my clothes off if we're alone, right?" She giggled as she looked up at him, her eyes darting over toward his friends before looking back at him with a bright smile. "You'd think that, wouldn't you?" She teased lightly, making it all the harder that she was going to be going home alone. "I'll be sure to call you all the time. You might even be tempted to change your number." She pursed her lips, pretending to take this into serious thought. "That would never happen." She said with a soft smile and then shrugged. "It would be easier to buy a new phone than change my number, then remembering who I need to give the new number to and who shouldn't be getting it..." She shook her head with a dramatic eye-roll. "Takes way too much energy." She had no intention of being any further from her phone than she needed to be, so that she could always pick it up if it rang... or if she saw something that needed to be caught on her camera and she didn't have her camera handy.
She knew she should leave, but he was here, and she was worried that if she walked away, when she turned around, he would be gone again, and she would be all alone, worried about his well-being. She closed her eyes as she rested her head against him, telling herself not to start crying again, trying to gain the strength to walk away so that he could head home.
