Welcome to Hickstead, home to both Seven Oak Stables, and Blue Acre - two rival stables. Both offer opportunities for their clients to reach the highest level of excellence. Each stable differs from the other, so choose wisely and never forget, loyalty is everything... Meanwhile as the stables battle it out, there's trouble brewing at the university. Be careful, if you don't pick a side you may get caught in the cross-fire...
This is an chilled out rpg with a super friendly and relaxed atmosphere! Remember to sign up with your characters full name in all caps and don't forget to do your claims! Thank you and Welcome, we've been established since 10th March 2009 but unfortunately have had to close guest view of our boards due to multiple sites ripping off our hard work, such a shame! Come chat to us in Discord before joining if you like!.
He started to get a little fidgety as he waited - he was a little early, so it wasn't like Lani was late, but he felt twitchy being in public. Even if his back corner and able to see everyone, he couldn't help but keep looking from face to face, cataloguing their movements and whether they were a threat. No matter how many times he reminded himself that nobody was the enemy, he couldn't help but do it anyway. His hands curled into tight fists, fighting off the urge to get up and leave. It was a quieter time than others but it still felt busy - close and loud, the heat seemed intense and he started to sweat, beads trickling down the back of his neck.
"Hey." Finally, thank God. He let out a relieved breath to see her approach and stood up on instinct to greet her. "Hey," He said, the word a little croaky. Joel cleared his throat and indicated to the seat opposite, returning to his after a moment. He left his hood up, though in the back of his mind he knew that was impolite, but it felt like an extra layer of protection. Things seemed a little easier with Lani here though - like they were in their own bubble. It was still busy and loud, but just a bit dimmer, as if she drew his attention and helped him focus. "Thanks for meeting me," gross, how formal was that? He struggled to find something funny or witty to say, for once drawing a complete blank and floundering. In a panic, he grabbed the menu. "Uh, drinks? You want a drink?"
Joel wasn't sure why he'd agreed to dinner with Lani. Well he did know why - because it was Lani, and the part in him that was still awake, alive and kicking wanted to see her, but it was more the 'going outside' and 'eating' parts that he didn't know why he'd say yes to. Actually another lie - he knew why he hadn't just asked her to come over too. There were other options he could have suggested instead of food, but none of them seemed more appealing anyway. Drinking was very appealing, but if she watched him throw back glass after glass of whiskey she'd probably think something was wrong, and then he'd begin to slur his words and then God knows what words would even come out. Words he probably didn't want her to hear. He could have suggested climbing, but his heart wasn't in it. He hadn't touched his ropes since he'd returned. Part of that was because they reminded him too much of being tied up, and he hated that. Despised how something he had loved now became a fear. Fear to touch the rope, God he was ridiculous.
Food was the easiest option, he just wasn't much up to eating and he knew he was going to waste whatever it was he ordered. Perhaps if he made sure it was something of a small portion, it wouldn't look so bad. He hated wasting things, especially now that he'd known what it was like to be truly hungry, but he had no appetite for it. It suddenly felt too lavish, too absurd, for there to be so much food here, for it to just be available when he had gone days without a scrap, days with having to portion control something that wasn't even a portion to begin with. He'd figure something out.
He'd tried to look presentable but it was hard to care. The only reason he'd tried was for Lani. She didn't deserve some pathetic loser who looked like he lived off the streets. He had managed to get in the shower today. The first time in some days. It had been painful and slow but he'd done it. He hadn't managed to shave, he couldn't stand to look in the mirror at what he'd become - still bruised and pale, his cheeks hollow and his eyes accompanied by bags. He shoved on a hoodie and joggers - he looked at his jeans but he couldn't bare to pick them up. He found himself a booth right at the back but sat facing the door, unable to help but watch the room warily as if someone was about to come steal his crutches.
He smiled at her giggle, it was such a light sound, light enough to scare away the darkness that clouded his mind, if only for a moment. Then it swamped back in, a thick smoke hard to penetrate. "Promises, promises." He chuckled at that and gave her a flashy wink with an echo of his old self. God if it wasn't for her... would he even be able to get this far? With nothing waiting for him at the airport but stale memories of home, and how wrong it all felt now, would he even make it off the plane? One foot in front of the other, that would be him for a while now, but there was no need to think about a world without Lani - she was here, warm, safe and solid in his arms, a promise that she was real.
Joel could tell by her smile that she was going to turn him down, and he tried to dampen down on the disappointment of the rejection. "As much as I want to say, yes. I think you need your friends more than you do me. You can call me at any time though." He tried not to let it show, the way the fear clutched at him a bit - empty apartment, the way the space would close up on him and swallow him whole. Send him back down into the pit of darkness he was trying to claw his way out of. He covered it with a grin that didn't quite match his usual. "Worried that you might start trying to tear my clothes off if we're alone, right?" He added the joke to mask the internal fight he had going on, wrinkling his nose instead and carefully putting back on his mask. "I'll be sure to call you all the time." And he meant it too. He already knew he'd spend hours holding his phone, staring at the call button, knowing he shouldn't bother her again but wanting to. "You might even be tempted to change your number." Which he worried might end up being true. A homage to the drastic change in Joel - he didn't worry, he didn't fear, he didn't rely like this, he didn't panic that a girl might turn around and push him away.
He wanted her back in his hold the moment that he let her go, but much to his disappointment, they couldn't stand hugging in the terminal forever. It had felt like a little piece out of time, holding Lani, like they were in their own space where nobody and nothing could touch them. Then everything had come rushing back, a hard hit of reality, and all that pain and fear and darkness sucked itself right back inside, cloaking all the bits of him that used to be light, hollowing out the bits of him that used to be full. He focused his attention on Lani instead, his little slice of bright in the terrifying dark.
"Not when I want to see you wearing the hat I forgot." He managed a twitch of his lips at that, a faint return of what used to be a mischievous twinkle. "Just the hat, huh? If you wanted to see me naked you just had to ask." though the thought of someone seeing him like that right now made him cringe. The once well defined planes of his chest and stomach now a valley of sharp edges and hollow areas, muscles lost to starvation and the tough conditions of war. The smooth and relatively unblemished skin a canvas of black and blue bruises and a multitude of cuts and scrapes. Ugly. He'd never cared much for his looks before, he'd had enough charm to overcome that, but he had never felt ugly before.
"Oh, there was never any doubt in that!" He responded with a smile, it was fleeting but it counted. "Give me a call when it would be a good time for me to visit." Joel tilted his head slightly, ignoring the thrum of tension the movement caused from the stiffness of his muscles. "Does right now count?" He joked, though it felt a little flat for him. He knew he needed time, and that she would know that too, but he was scared to go home as much as he also wanted to. It scared him, that loneliness, that emptiness, that quiet, as much as he also wanted it. But was also scared him was how he knew nothing would have changed in that flat, and yet he had now been changed beyond repair.
He held her for what felt like an eternity, but it just felt too good to let her go. Something solid in his arms, warm and comforting; safe. He'd been cautious with touch whilst recovering - never one to shy away from it previously, he was wary when people approached him, when someone went to clap him on the shoulder or grip his arm. He hated it, but he knew this was the new normal for him now. This was different though, and he took a deep breath, releasing an exhale that he felt he'd been holding onto since he left England. Dustin watched from a distance, giving them space and catching Lani's gave. He gave a slight nod in response, but didn't smile - he didn't feel he was ready for that yet. It was his fault Joel had gone, his fault Joel had been captured, his fault for bringing Joel home broken.
Joel pulled back carefully, ignoring the aches and pains of his injures as the pain meds failed to hold the feelings at bay a little. The face she pulled made him smile a little again, wishing he could chuckle the way he would have done before. But laughter was hard to come by these days. "I'll pop it on you head the next time I see you." He gave a small nod of agreement. "I think all the gift shop sell are baseball caps, and just no." He cocked his head slightly, a furrow of his brows. "You wouldn't like to see me in a cap?" He mustered the energy to pretend to look offended. "I pull anything off." He added, lips turning up slightly again. "I had better let you get home, I just needed... I needed to see you." He understood that, he really did, and he reached for a hand, bringing it to his lips in a quick kiss. "I am glad you did, thank you for coming." He wanted her to stay, but he didn't know how to ask, and he wasn't sure how he'd feel when he got home.
He heard her tears, heard the way she burst into them and despite that numb feeling that had settled over him, he still felt a wave of sadness for the fact that she was upset, for what he had put her through. He hadn't intended to, he'd thought she'd maybe forget about him. Hoped that she would deep down, him and his stupid reckless attitude. He'd thought he was going to die out there, and it had sucked to think that Lani would believe he'd just stopped bothering, but at least she could have moved on. He'd hurt her. He hated that. "Welcome home." His hold tightened for a moment, before he finally released her, his bad arm was protesting more than he liked, and he started to worry he might topple over and hurt Lani.
Joel cleared his throat a little as he removed himself from her, and then he bent to retrieve his crutch, finding Dustin already offering it to him before he took a step back again, leaving them to it. "I should have brought your hat." He blinked, his mind slow as he considered her words, working through his tired memory to link them to their conversation; then he smiled - it was small, and exhausted, but it was there. The first one in a longtime. "I would have liked that." He admitted. "Is it too late? Gift shop maybe?" He made a feeble attempt at a joke as he settled himself back on his feet.
He hadn't known who else would be there. He'd hoped, somewhere in the back of his mind at least - the front of his mind was not being overly helpful other than to be watchful of every person that came within his radius. The bustle of people kept his tired mind busy and he didn't know how Dustin and Avery had done it; come back after so long away and just assimilated back into society. He glanced over his shoulder at them, a wary gaze, unlike his previous careful, light hearted expression. He'd get it back some day, but he had ghosts to get past first.
"Joel!" He thought he'd imagined it at first, so stuck deep in his weird new reality, and he blinked, trying to pull himself out of it. He hadn't though. It was real. He knew that voice. His head turned toward it, to see her flying through the crowd toward him. Maybe it was madness, that he hadn't been around her that much and yet the way his heart sang to see her, and a small weight lifted from his chest, his lungs suddenly able to fill with air that they hadn't been able to before. But whatever it was, he'd gladly take it. Her letters had been one of the only things getting him through each day, the idea of coming back home to her. He opened his arms and as she barreled his way, he brought her home, wrapping his good arm around her and lifting slightly. He had to drop the crutch to do it, staggered a little at the impact, his plastered arm protested a little, but he didn't care. He buried his face in her hair without a second thought and his arm tightened involuntarily. "Lani," He whispered, his voice cracking a little as he took a shuddering breath.
Joel had never felt so unlike himself as he did right now. The guy that had a quick grin and a ready laugh for anyone, felt like his humour button was broken. He didn't have a quick wit right now. Unlike some people who came back from war with their minds racing a million miles an hour, his mind was silent. Eerily so - just dead and empty quiet. It had been that way for some weeks. He supposed it was from his ordeal, from shutting down as a way of handling it. The problem was he didn't know how to switch it back on. He knew he was worrying his friends, but that they would understand - that they did understand it. He hadn't known them when they'd returned from war, but he could only imagine. He got it now, he understood why they came so broken. That was how he felt. What he didn't get, was why they would ever chose to go back. The people that chose it over and over.
The airplane had felt claustrophobic, but he'd managed it. A short flight was all it had taken but the crowd of people was a lot to take in. His stint in the army had been relatively short, in comparison to others. A few months, that was it. It was enough though, to feel distant from the world, to feel like an outsider. It was like nothing he'd ever experienced before, and considering all the places he had been and all the jobs he had done, that was saying something. To be thrust out into an active war zone with 6 weeks of crash course bootcamp, with a group of guys he'd never met and never known before that time, to then have to trust each other with their lives, to follow each other no matter was - regardless of if they believed it was right or wrong. He'd done that. He was a rookie and a wild card, and he could not replace Dustin's experience and knowledge. He'd been a dogs body but he'd been the joker, the one that managed a laugh out of everyone even on the worst night.
He'd buried friends. He'd never thought that would have happened to him, but he had. He'd lost people. They'd gone wrong, they'd taken a wrong decision somewhere, and the next thing he'd known the world had gone to shit, everything had exploded, they'd hit enemy territory and stumbled right into the lion's den. Half of them had been killed, the other half taken captive. Joel didn't want to think about that time. He wasn't ready yet. His friend's wouldn't let him carry his pack, and he knew that it was the broken arm and the dislocated shoulder that was stopping them, but he felt naked without it over his good shoulder. Of course, he needed what was left of his good arm to hold the crutch as he hobbled out of the terminal. Dustin and Avery were somewhere at his back, watching his six for them, not saying it - but he knew. They were there, because they knew that otherwise, he'd be paranoid someone was behind him. His eyes sought every face, wanting to keep tabs on everyone, but behind the eyes not much was there. Bone tired weariness, empty mind, running on instinct.
Joel knew something was really wrong from the fact that Av didn't have some witty comeback. His friend always had something funny or sarcastic to come back at him with for those kinds of words. Fighting talk and all that, his mate had a wicked sense of humour and was always ribbing him - it was why they got on so well. He wondered if perhaps he'd pushed too hard on his own entrance, upset the apple cart somehow. He let the quiet sit between them for a moment, let things sink in as he took another pull from the bottle, reveling in the refreshing cold taste of his beer. It had to be bad, for Avery to be sitting there mulling and stewing so badly. He went through the possibilities, just waiting quietly for when he friend was ready to say whatever it was - feeling the trepidation himself. Surely it was something that could be mended or fixed, or hashed out. He loved Av's family, how close they were, how they stuck together through everything and would literally do anything for each other. It was how a family should be, how he had never been growing up.
He ruffled the pup's ears when Gadget came over, smiling slightly and careful to tuck his beer behind him so the dog couldn't knock it over or try to grab a taste with a sneaky lick. "for once, it's not me." He frowned slightly; his dog house comment automatically then put him onto the thinking it was a relationship issue, and if it wasn't him then.. Holly? Had something happened to her again? "no one's home to put me in it." Which sounded even more ominous, but he didn't want to jump to further conclusions. Him and Holly had to be fine, he'd never seen a couple more in love than those two - ridiculous, disgusting, vomit worthy love. Alright, so the rest of the family and some of their friends gave good competition, but he'd seen Holly and Av make it through so much shit and never falter or waver in their love and support for each other.
Joel looked away to give Avery a moment, watching the dog instead. "we got some news today." Well if this wasn't dragging it out. But he knew Av, and how closed he could be sometimes - a trickle of information was all he might manage. Joel took a moment and gave a slow nod. "Alright.." He said carefully, taking a swig from the bottle again. "I'm guessing bad news?" He added, trying to help nudge whatever it was out of him. "Tell me, Av, what's going on?" He resisted the urge to crack another joke - his friend's serious demeanor begged seriousness in return, now was not the time.
Joel glanced down at his phone as it beeped, unlocking the device to open Avery's text 'out the back, doors open, bring beer.' he snorted and shot back a stupid Gif before shifting the beer in his hand to get a better hold and traipsing round the side of the house. He assumed his friend was too lazy to get off his butt and unlock the front door but it also must have meant the house was empty; an unusual feat for a house as big as theirs, and as full. He opened the hatch on the back gate and let himself in. "Not a burglar!" he called out in warning, shutting the gate behind him in time for a ball of fur to come barrelling at him. He almost dropped his package as he laughed and bent down to ruffle Gadget's ears. The grey speckled nose of Dustin's old chocolate lab glanced up from his perch on the patio, a warning look to check who it was and then a huff as he returned to sunbathing in the weak Autumn sun.
Glancing up from the pup, he spotted Avery. "What did you do?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrows as he crossed over to take a perch on the cold stone of the steps beside his friend. " I assume you're out here as you've been sent to the dog house?" Joel placed the pack of beers down beside him and opened the pack, pulling one out and handing it over. "I'm guessing you'll be wanting one of these?" he offered, and then took another out for himself and popped the top with a key chain on his keys, taking a pull from the bottle.
That's because nobody is like me - I am unique, and therefore you have to keep me around! Otherwise your life will be very boring! Phew, I'm glad my efforts are not in vain then, I was about to worry - and quit writing this one back to you. Joking of course, I would never do that to you. It is weird writing letters, I don't think I've ever done it, other than postcards home on my travels before phones were a thing and all that. They said it's easier to do letters, internet is okay at the barracks but we'll be posted out soon and then I don't know what will happen, but I imagine it'll just be a letter when I can. Have you been climbing since we went together? If not, feel free to use my stuff - I should have given it to you before I went but everything was such a rush. My brother can let you into my flat easily enough, I left him with a key.
I'd help you with that, if you wanted or needed it of course. Though you don't need it to travel - just need a bag on your back and some money in your pocket. Not even too much of it either if you don't mind working along the way. Wow, finally giving in and settling down? For a fellow runner that does't sound possible! It's your decision to tell your family or not, whether you feel ready to take that step or not, but either way I'll be here for whatever you decide.
You'd get jealous? Now that's interesting. Why would you say that? Are you sure you're okay? Take it easy and rest up, he's probably right and you need time to recover. The cold season is on it's way, and I need you fit and healthy for my return so we can go out for these drinks!
P.S please find attached said photo in uniform - complete with x's and o'x on the back.
love from,
Joel
27 - EXTREME SPORTIST/SPORT TEACHER - STRAIGHT - DATING Kalani Mele Rocha
I'm glad I'm entertaining you enough! I don't think a pen pal in middle school would have the same effect, you can't replicate my kind of witty banter - and they definitely would not have been as handsome as me. Shall I attach a photograph next time so you don't forget what I look like? I try not to sell myself short when I can but maybe I do it every now and then so you can give my ego a little boost - you are very good at it after all. I'm glad you agree about lines, maybe we should play double dutch and skip them together?
That would be fantastic! If it's something you want to do go for it! Journalism would be sure to take you all over and be rather fascinating - or even if you like the imagery part of things, what about location scouts and things like that? I don't quite know how you get into that but it seems like that would get you travelling and finding some beautiful places you might not ordinarily see? You sure have an eye for capturing beauty.
Or am I the bad influence on the horse hmmm? Who can tell? We have been having some words since we met, but I won't kiss and tell. I'm sure you are more valuable to them than finding a replacement for you over a loose horse. Bear might be telling porkies about being unable to read considering he can talk, don't you think? Why won't you let him eat them, I'm sure that's all their worth - extra fodder for the pony to keep him warm?
I'm offended by your parting comment, I am never in trouble. Much.
love from,
Joel
27 - EXTREME SPORTIST/SPORT TEACHER - STRAIGHT - DATING Kalani Mele Rocha