Welcome to Hickstead, home to both Seven Oak Stables, and Blue Acre - two rival stables. Both offer opportunities for their clients to reach the highest level of excellence. Each stable differs from the other, so choose wisely and never forget, loyalty is everything... Meanwhile as the stables battle it out, there's trouble brewing at the university. Be careful, if you don't pick a side you may get caught in the cross-fire...
This is an chilled out rpg with a super friendly and relaxed atmosphere! Remember to sign up with your characters full name in all caps and don't forget to do your claims! Thank you and Welcome, we've been established since 10th March 2009 but unfortunately have had to close guest view of our boards due to multiple sites ripping off our hard work, such a shame! Come chat to us in Discord before joining if you like!.
Nothing made sense as little unfiltered snippets of unseen voices echoed off the walls of oblivion. There was nothing he could do but wonder and think of things he wanted as quickly as it faded.
His body was broken and a machine helped him breathe amidst the tubes and wires that crossed over him. The doctors weren't even sure if he would make it, given the advanced cancer in his lung. He was pale, skin marked with cuts and bruises and scrapes from getting hit by a car. The monitors were slow, yet steady and consistent, and all was still around his unconscious form.
The nurse sat with Andrew, discussing what was wrong, what they were doing for him and how it could easily be days before they allowed Caleb to resurface from the coma they put him in, for fears that the bleed on his brain was worse than the scans showed. It was safest if Caleb wasn't present, kept free of stresses until they knew how he was recovering. It was a guessing game now.
A coffee was carefully pressed into Andrew's hand by a nurse seeking to comfort him in some small way.
He didn't know how long he'd sat in the waiting room as they worked on Caleb. Time had lost all meaning. It had been difficult to know what to do with himself, and in the end the age old patience of the army had kicked in, and he'd gone into himself and sat there. His mind had gone silent, practicing the ability to shut off the worrisome thoughts. He couldn't think about the 'what if's' or the 'might have beens'. It was too easy, and too quick for him to feel sick with the guilt of what had happened. It was without a doubt his fault, but he was angry too. Angry that his ridiculous foot had let him down, angry that he hadn't been paying attention like that, angry that whoever had caused the accident had sent that car flying toward them, angry that Caleb had been the fool to push him out the way. Angry he hadn't been able to say the words back. Just angry. He didn't look it, sat there, internalising it all as a nurse pressed a drink into his hand. He didn't even glance at what it was, it could have been vodka, it could have been poison - he threw it back all the same. It didn't kill him anyway.
The dogs were back at his. They wouldn't let him in the ambulance, insisting on checking him over in a separate one until he had finally been able to wave them off. His foot was damaged, he would need a replacement likely, but it was okay enough to use for now. Thank God, he didn't want to have to go through the ordeal of hobbling around on crutches again and everyone know now that he was missing a piece of himself. When the ambulance had finally left him for another emergency, he'd taken the animals from a kind stranger who had grabbed them, and set them all up at home, hoping they didn't get upset with each other whilst he was gone. He'd text a friend asking to come check on them, telling them to feel free to stay as long as they liked - he didn't know when he'd be home. It was that weird sense of calm duty that settled him as he arranged everything - he went to Caleb's to get him clothes. He would need new clothes, they would have cut his off and he'd want to leave in his own stuff. Denial, but he couldn't delve into that right then. He would not be dead. No. Andrew would not allow it.
Eventually, he'd been let in to see Cal. His heart had shattered, splintered into a million pieces, never all to be found again as he looked at the broken love of his life. He'd settled in a chair, ready to sit sentry for as long as it took, his fingers bridging together as he rested his forehead against them, now struggling to hold back the tide. At some point he cried. He had no idea of the time, it could have taken hours to cry out, or minutes. There was no change. People came in and out to check on Cal, eventually, someone was nice enough to tell him what was going on. He nodded numbly in response and when she left, he looked at Cal's prone form again. Too still. "It should have been me." He couldn't say the other words, to say other words, to tell him he loved him, would be to give in. "It should have been me lying here, you stupid fool. Why did you have to go and do it. It doesn't make things right, it makes things worse." He voice cracked but his eyes were dry, there were no tears left. It didn't change the past, for him to have saved him, you couldn't change or right that, all he'd wanted was a chance for them to right it together themselves, he didn't want this. Never this.
He was floating in an unsettling way, with no sense of direction. Just echoing vague voices, mostly unfamiliar ones. He wasn't sure if it was real, or if this was all some dream. He couldn't fight it, being dragged down and around, never able to hold onto anything concrete.
"It should have been me. It should have been me lying here, you stupid fool. Why did you have to go and do it. It doesn't make things right, it makes things worse."
Andrew?
What was wrong? He tried to reach out, trying to find a slice of reality against the darkness. What was wrong out there? Why could he not reach out to him? He had things to say, things he needed to do. He had to find a way out of this abyss. He wondered what the voice meant, who was laying where? It was all confusing.
His eyes flickered behind their closed lids and his hand twitched slightly against the bed, a faint movement. The nurses had said he might react to voices, and that at times he might move without it, but it was not harmful and it wouldn't do to get hopes up that Caleb was coming around. Nurses came and went, some of them suggesting Andrew simply talk to the unconscious man, how sometimes that was all it took to help them pull through. They cleaned and dressed smaller wounds dotted around his body from the tumble he'd taken, reassessed his vitals to make sure that it was holding steady.
Time no longer took meaning as he sat there, waiting for something to happen. He didn't know what, considering he had been told they didn't expect Caleb to wake up any time soon, but he could still sit and hope that it might happen on the sooner scale. At some point he remembered he needed to move some work around, making a couple of quiet calls to move some appointments - the clients were very understanding when he explained the circumstances. His work might be a little light this month and therefore money a little tight, but he would make it work. He had made an appointment with his doctor for another time to talk about the possibility of a new prosthetic at some point. Once that was done he settled back in for a long stint of observation, taking a break only to use the facilities and then to grab another couple of coffees. He couldn't stand to eat right now.
He looked up hopefully when the twitch of a hand caught his eye. He knew that it might mean nothing, but hope was impossible to tamp down on in times like this. He needed to know Cal was in there somewhere, fighting, going to pull through for him. "Cal?" He said softly, watching keenly for another sign of movement. "Come back to me, Caleb. I need you. You need to fight this - be strong and fight this, and come home to me." He murmured, reaching out to take his closest hands. He was polite to the nurses, though their fifth suggestion of talking to Andrew began to wear a little thing. What did they think he was doing? But there was only so much he could say, it hurt to talk to someone who could not talk back.
"Cal? Come back to me, Caleb. I need you. You need to fight this - be strong and fight this, and come home to me."
Andy? Is that you? I want to wake up, but I can't. I'm fighting now, but I can't find the wall. I hear you, but you can't hear me and I don't know how to change that. You know, all I fancy right now is a hug. I'd love one, truly I would. I miss that. I miss a lot of things.
Three Days Later...
Andy are you there? Why am I asking, of course you are. Are you sleeping enough? I hope you are. I still haven't found that wall yet, I don't know how to talk to you. You know, it's awful not being able to talk to you. I love you, you know that right? I want to say that again and again. Why am I not able to function Andy? I don't like not being able to see your face.
Two Days Later...
Andy? Andy, my chest feels a little bit lighter now. Is this the wall? Have I found it? I think it could be, I feel an itch on my nose and I need to scratch it. It would be nice if you could scratch it for me, it would. I'm trying to push on this wall, it's stubborn but maybe? I hope there is tea waiting for me, it's been a while I think.
Caleb took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. He still felt heavy and not like himself, but he felt a lot more aware as the end of his nose itched. It took him a moment to move and scratch it, but the reward was worth it. Carefully he rubbed his eyes, removing the slight crust before wincing at the bright light. He blinked and looked around, the room unfamiliar to him but he wasn't too alarmed once he saw Andrew. His smile was soft and tired, but it was there as he turned his head, wincing at a dull pain.
He stayed with Caleb for days, at his side for as long as he could be. He kept in touch with some clients, rearranging things to the following week - at which time he knew he would have to go back outside the hospital. He had called his friend that had taken on Pup, feeling guilty for not having been back for the dog yet, but he could barely look after himself, let alone an animal. They were fine with the dog so far, but he promised to be back to pick him up in another day. By then he knew he would have to start going home. It was scary, not knowing how long Caleb would be out for, and he wanted to be there when he woke up - but he couldn't stay here for months, not really.
He'd popped home this morning to get a change of clothes and shower, though he didn't bother to shave, glancing at himself in the mirror was upsetting, and he couldn't stand it for longer than a moment. He checked in on his dog, spending some time with Pup and feeling a little better for it too - though guilty for leaving once again. He promised to pick him up tomorrow instead of another few days time. Then he was quick to return to the hospital, slipping back into his chair and taking up vigil once more. At some point, his eyes drifted closed, tired from his lack of sleep. "Morning handsome..." Drew frowned slightly, the voice familiar, though it sounded rough. "Must be dreaming..." He mumbled to himself as he shifted and yawned, moving in the chair to bring his hands up and rub his eyes. He glanced at Caleb automatically to check on him; still asleep... Drew blinked and then looked back to him - no, he was awake. Those cool blue eyes were open and aware, and Drew immediately shot upright properly, coming forwards on his chair and grasping Cal's hand. "Oh Caleb... Caleb you're awake? I'm really not dreaming??"
"Oh Caleb... Caleb you're awake? I'm really not dreaming??"
His smile was soft as he listened to Andrew, "No, this isn't a dream. I hope not. I don't want it to be."
He reached out for him, little strength to the action, but he knew he needed something physical to reassure himself that this was not a dream, and something told him that Andrew needed the same. He shut his eyes for a moment before opening them again, his free hand carefully rubbing his jaw.
"I need a shave," he mumbled, "A bit too much stubble."
He huffed and smiled all the same, "Maybe you can explain the dull pain in my head right now... or where we are as such..."
He wasn't even sure he wanted the answer Andrew might provide, but it was a filler question. Something to bridge the quietness.
Andrew couldn't stop staring at him. Despite the fact that he had been hoping, praying and wishing with everything he had that Caleb would wake up, and now that he was awake, Drew couldn't quite believe it. He had been so scared that Cal would die, or even that he would stay asleep forever. He didn't know what would be worse - for him to be gone, or for him to be stuck in a half life, asleep for years. Cal's soft smile broke his heart just a little, for the fact that he hadn't realised how much he'd missed it until then. How he almost never saw it again. "No, this isn't a dream. I hope not. I don't want it to be." Andrew managed to return his smile, "I hope it's not a dream too." He admitted, thinking that surely it couldn't be if they were both hoping for it.
The reaching almost did him over, and he gladly swallowed Cal's hand in both of his own, clasping gently. It helped him to feel the warmth and the life of Cal's hand in his, to know that he was really awake and talking. "I need a shave, A bit too much stubble." Drew managed another smile at that and even a slight chuckle. "I quite like it," He admitted, the slight rugged look on the handsome guy. But it was a flood of relief to know he felt like himself. "Maybe you can explain the dull pain in my head right now... or where we are as such..." He nodded, understanding that he might not remember what happened, or remember. God, Drew hoped he never remembered what happened, it would be stuck in Drew's head until the day he died. "We're in the hospital, you've been out for quite a few days....You... pushed me out the way of a car, and it hit you instead of me." He shuddered as the images rushed forward once again. "Why did you do that, Cal... don't ever do that again." He fixed his gaze on Cal, fierce and firm.
"Might keep it then," he chuckled softly, wincing slightly.
"We're in the hospital, you've been out for quite a few days....You... pushed me out the way of a car, and it hit you instead of me." He shuddered as the images rushed forward once again. "Why did you do that, Cal... don't ever do that again."
He listened to Andrew talk, half getting swept up in the sound of his voice while the other part slowly turned words into thought and processing their meaning. His face contorted slightly as he started trying to put things together. He remembered little bits and pieces.
"I don't remember that," he said softly, confusion clear in his voice. "I remember telling you that I love you... we were walking the dogs... I don't remember much else..."
He frowned, his head pounding, "I remember thinking I saved you.. then nothing after that." He put his free hand to his head, starting to feel the pain. "I did it because I ... I-I... Why don't I remember anything?"
He had never really forgotten anything, but this gap was a little too much of a gap for him to deal with all at once. He carefully tried to squeeze Andrew's hand a little tighter, looking over at him after a moment, "You weren't hurt, were you?"
"Might keep it then," Andrew gave a faint smile and squeezed Caleb's hand gently, his eyes on his. He would never take that look for granted again - the sight of Caleb looking at him, aware, eyes bright and intense, he would never forget that. "The only thing I care about seeing, is you alive and well. Stubble, no stubble, I don't care...as long as you are here, with me. That's all I need." He raised the hand he held to his lips and pressed a kiss to the knuckles. He needed Cal to listen to him, to never scare him like that again. He had lost him once, and it had been terrifying to think he was going to lose him again, after everything. This was more final too, even though he had moved on before he had known Caleb was out there somewhere, even if they had been done. But this had been scary, seeing it happen, being there and having to wait and wait not knowing. Never again.
Drew watched the expression on Cal's face as he told him what had happened. He wanted to ease the pain he saw there and he shifted in his chair, unable to do anything for him but be here. "I don't remember that," Drew relaxed a little at that. "I'm glad, it was...." quite horrible, he finished in his mind. He didn't want to say it. It wasn't fair to him, he didn't need to remember it. Andrew would never forget it. "I remember telling you that I love you... we were walking the dogs... I don't remember much else.. I remember thinking I saved you.. then nothing after that. I did it because I ... I-I... Why don't I remember anything?" He squeezed his hand again gently. "Because it was a serious trauma, Cal. It wasn't good. I thought you were dead. Everyone did." He swallowed hard against the tide of emotions that came with saying those words, even though Cal was talking. It still didn't make things any less easy to take.
"You weren't hurt, were you?" Drew shook his head but managed another small laugh. "You nearly died but you're concerned for me? I'm okay, Cal, I just needed to know you were okay." he said softly, his eyes warming a little. He didn't bother to mention his stupid food. It would be okay in the long run and he could her by on it as it was, but something was definitely wrong with it. It wasn't sitting right on his leg and it was uncomfortable to walk. He'd resorted to limping already and he knew he'd been to bring his crutches back out of retirement temporarily.
"The only thing I care about seeing, is you alive and well. Stubble, no stubble, I don't care...as long as you are here, with me. That's all I need."
Caleb's expression softened at the gesture, gently holding his hand in return, "I have no plans on going anywhere, not ever."
Drew relaxed a little at that. "I'm glad, it was...."
Caleb let out a soft sigh, there was no doubt he was going to eventually hear the details from someone at some point and briefly he wonder how his friends were dealing with it - did they know?
He squeezed his hand again gently. "Because it was a serious trauma, Cal. It wasn't good. I thought you were dead. Everyone did."
Caleb looked at Andrew, his expression slightly pained, "I'm sorry I caused everyone so much distress, I just... acted again without thinking."
Drew shook his head but managed another small laugh. "You nearly died but you're concerned for me? I'm okay, Cal, I just needed to know you were okay."
He turned toward him and wrapped his arms around him, kissing him gently as he rested his forehead against Andrew's - "Yes, I will always be concerned for you. For everyone. I am going to be fine, even through the battles to come. I am going to keep fighting to be by your side Andrew, ok? Always. I fucked up once, I'm not letting it happen again."
Drew squeezed his hand carefully, scared to hurt him with how banged up he was. "I have no plans on going anywhere, not ever." His heart sung to hear it, but he'd been told that before, and he couldn't help but he fearful and dubious, that tiny inkling that it might not be true. "You'd better not. I'm not letting you get away from me again." not easily anyway, not if he had any say in it at all. The scary truth was there were things he didn't have a say in. It was Caleb's actions that had put himself in the way of the car, but the car had been the thing to send him to hospital. The stupid wayward car, with it's idiot of a driver. Andrew hadn't had the capacity to think about that part of it yet and the fact that the driver had some serious penalties to pay, but that would come in time once he could stand to leave Cal's side.
Andrew heard the sigh but did not say anything further about what had happened. He couldn't stand to think about it let alone talk about it yet, and if he could spare Cal from knowing any of it, he would. "I'm sorry I caused everyone so much distress, I just... acted again without thinking." Drew was quick to shake his head as he brought Cal's knuckles to his lips again. "No, don't..." he didn't want him to apologise, even if he hadn't wanted him to do it in the first place. He leant forward as Cal's arms went around him and returned the kiss, lingering for a moment to soak up everything about Caleb. His forehead came to rest against Cal's and he took a long inhale to settle his anxiety.
"Yes, I will always be concerned for you. For everyone. I am going to be fine, even through the battles to come. I am going to keep fighting to be by your side Andrew, ok? Always. I fucked up once, I'm not letting it happen again." He opened his eyes after a long moment to stare at Caleb directly. "Just never do this to me again, and that's all I ask. Never leave my side, Cal, and we can do this together." those words he'd wanted to hear years ago said now - to be by his side forever. He hoped Caleb meant it, he wasn't ready to go through heartbreak again.
"You'd better not. I'm not letting you get away from me again."
He felt tired and not completely there, but even so he watched every little move that Andrew made.
"I have a feeling that you'd sooner handcuff me to a radiator than let me leave," he smiled gently.
"Just never do this to me again, and that's all I ask. Never leave my side, Cal, and we can do this together."
He reached up, gently cupping Andrew's cheek, "I promise you, with everything I have, I will not ever - never ever - leave your side again. I'm tired of being alone in the world. There has only ever been you and I was a fucking idiot. I see it. I know it. I want to be wherever you go. From now until always."
He let his eyes shut, they were so heavy, but even so there was a panic in his heart-rate that the monitors picked up on. He forced his eyes open, searching for Andrew, making sure he was still there.
"I don't want to sleep anymore.. but I am so tired."
Drew watched him carefully, realising he was probably staring a little too intensely, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't stop drinking him in, seeing that he was alive, knowing that he was alive. They had come so close to the end, he still hadn't shaken off the terror yet. He didn't know if he'd even be able to. "I have a feeling that you'd sooner handcuff me to a radiator than let me leave," He gave a small smile at that, and gently squeezed his hand. God if he didn't want to never let him go, but he knew at some point he'd have to step away, even if for just a moment. "Oh absolutely, I didn't even realise that was an option." He teased gently, though he'd rather just never have him leave and be it at that.
He leaned into Cal's touch, turning his face into the palm and closing his eyes momentarily, soaking in his touch. Warm and gentle, he would never take it for granted again. "I promise you, with everything I have, I will not ever - never ever - leave your side again. I'm tired of being alone in the world. There has only ever been you and I was a fucking idiot. I see it. I know it. I want to be wherever you go. From now until always." He smiled and re-opened his eyes, but the smile fell to hear the change to his heart beat. He touched Cal's chest gently. "Hey, what happened there, where did you go?" He asked, wondering what had upset him in that moment. He had waited to hear those words for so long, but he wanted to hear them again when Cal was okay and up and about again. "I don't want to sleep anymore.. but I am so tired." Drew leant down to kiss his cheek gently. "You need to rest, I'll be right here the whole time. I promise. Nothing bad will happen, I'll make sure of it."
"Oh absolutely, I didn't even realise that was an option."
"Hey, what happened there, where did you go?"
Caleb locked onto him, kept him in his sights despite wanting to sleep, "I panicked. Just the thought of shutting my eyes, not seeing you... It hit me strange."
"You need to rest, I'll be right here the whole time. I promise. Nothing bad will happen, I'll make sure of it."
"The only thing I need is you, the rest of it can all go fly a kite in the park," he murmured softly, "You need to take care of yourself too. It's not like I can run out of here and join a marathon."
