Andrew kept his gaze on Caleb, it felt important to keep his eyes on him, for one or both of them he didn't quite not. For him, he wanted to just drink him up as much as he could. With what had happened, it was terrifying to think he might have never seen him again. "I panicked. Just the thought of shutting my eyes, not seeing you... It hit me strange." His gaze softened, understanding dawning as he listened to Caleb's words. He gave a small nod and a careful squeeze of the hand he held. "I know the feeling. But I promise, wild animals couldn't rip me away." nothing could. He would fight tooth and claw to be here by his love's side until he was ready to go home. And even then, he didn't think he'd be able to leave.

"The only thing I need is you, the rest of it can all go fly a kite in the park, You need to take care of yourself too. It's not like I can run out of here and join a marathon." Drew gave a weary chuckle. "Fly a kite, hmm?" he repeated, amused by the turn of phrase. He shook his head a little, his returning smile tired but still a smile. "I'm fine, don't worry about me." and he was fine now. Everything else.. sleep, food, rest or whatever... Could go to damn hell. He just needed to know Caleb was going to come out of this fine and then he'd deal with everything that came after it.

"Might keep it then," Andrew gave a faint smile and squeezed Caleb's hand gently, his eyes on his. He would never take that look for granted again - the sight of Caleb looking at him, aware, eyes bright and intense, he would never forget that. "The only thing I care about seeing, is you alive and well. Stubble, no stubble, I don't care...as long as you are here, with me. That's all I need." He raised the hand he held to his lips and pressed a kiss to the knuckles. He needed Cal to listen to him, to never scare him like that again. He had lost him once, and it had been terrifying to think he was going to lose him again, after everything. This was more final too, even though he had moved on before he had known Caleb was out there somewhere, even if they had been done. But this had been scary, seeing it happen, being there and having to wait and wait not knowing. Never again.

Drew watched the expression on Cal's face as he told him what had happened. He wanted to ease the pain he saw there and he shifted in his chair, unable to do anything for him but be here. "I don't remember that," Drew relaxed a little at that. "I'm glad, it was...." quite horrible, he finished in his mind. He didn't want to say it. It wasn't fair to him, he didn't need to remember it. Andrew would never forget it. "I remember telling you that I love you... we were walking the dogs... I don't remember much else.. I remember thinking I saved you.. then nothing after that. I did it because I ... I-I... Why don't I remember anything?" He squeezed his hand again gently. "Because it was a serious trauma, Cal. It wasn't good. I thought you were dead. Everyone did." He swallowed hard against the tide of emotions that came with saying those words, even though Cal was talking. It still didn't make things any less easy to take.

"You weren't hurt, were you?" Drew shook his head but managed another small laugh. "You nearly died but you're concerned for me? I'm okay, Cal, I just needed to know you were okay." he said softly, his eyes warming a little. He didn't bother to mention his stupid food. It would be okay in the long run and he could her by on it as it was, but something was definitely wrong with it. It wasn't sitting right on his leg and it was uncomfortable to walk. He'd resorted to limping already and he knew he'd been to bring his crutches back out of retirement temporarily.

He stayed with Caleb for days, at his side for as long as he could be. He kept in touch with some clients, rearranging things to the following week - at which time he knew he would have to go back outside the hospital. He had called his friend that had taken on Pup, feeling guilty for not having been back for the dog yet, but he could barely look after himself, let alone an animal. They were fine with the dog so far, but he promised to be back to pick him up in another day. By then he knew he would have to start going home. It was scary, not knowing how long Caleb would be out for, and he wanted to be there when he woke up - but he couldn't stay here for months, not really.

He'd popped home this morning to get a change of clothes and shower, though he didn't bother to shave, glancing at himself in the mirror was upsetting, and he couldn't stand it for longer than a moment. He checked in on his dog, spending some time with Pup and feeling a little better for it too - though guilty for leaving once again. He promised to pick him up tomorrow instead of another few days time. Then he was quick to return to the hospital, slipping back into his chair and taking up vigil once more. At some point, his eyes drifted closed, tired from his lack of sleep. "Morning handsome..." Drew frowned slightly, the voice familiar, though it sounded rough. "Must be dreaming..." He mumbled to himself as he shifted and yawned, moving in the chair to bring his hands up and rub his eyes. He glanced at Caleb automatically to check on him; still asleep... Drew blinked and then looked back to him - no, he was awake. Those cool blue eyes were open and aware, and Drew immediately shot upright properly, coming forwards on his chair and grasping Cal's hand. "Oh Caleb... Caleb you're awake? I'm really not dreaming??"

He didn't know how long he'd sat in the waiting room as they worked on Caleb. Time had lost all meaning. It had been difficult to know what to do with himself, and in the end the age old patience of the army had kicked in, and he'd gone into himself and sat there. His mind had gone silent, practicing the ability to shut off the worrisome thoughts. He couldn't think about the 'what if's' or the 'might have beens'. It was too easy, and too quick for him to feel sick with the guilt of what had happened. It was without a doubt his fault, but he was angry too. Angry that his ridiculous foot had let him down, angry that he hadn't been paying attention like that, angry that whoever had caused the accident had sent that car flying toward them, angry that Caleb had been the fool to push him out the way. Angry he hadn't been able to say the words back. Just angry. He didn't look it, sat there, internalising it all as a nurse pressed a drink into his hand. He didn't even glance at what it was, it could have been vodka, it could have been poison - he threw it back all the same. It didn't kill him anyway.

The dogs were back at his. They wouldn't let him in the ambulance, insisting on checking him over in a separate one until he had finally been able to wave them off. His foot was damaged, he would need a replacement likely, but it was okay enough to use for now. Thank God, he didn't want to have to go through the ordeal of hobbling around on crutches again and everyone know now that he was missing a piece of himself. When the ambulance had finally left him for another emergency, he'd taken the animals from a kind stranger who had grabbed them, and set them all up at home, hoping they didn't get upset with each other whilst he was gone. He'd text a friend asking to come check on them, telling them to feel free to stay as long as they liked - he didn't know when he'd be home. It was that weird sense of calm duty that settled him as he arranged everything - he went to Caleb's to get him clothes. He would need new clothes, they would have cut his off and he'd want to leave in his own stuff. Denial, but he couldn't delve into that right then. He would not be dead. No. Andrew would not allow it.

Eventually, he'd been let in to see Cal. His heart had shattered, splintered into a million pieces, never all to be found again as he looked at the broken love of his life. He'd settled in a chair, ready to sit sentry for as long as it took, his fingers bridging together as he rested his forehead against them, now struggling to hold back the tide. At some point he cried. He had no idea of the time, it could have taken hours to cry out, or minutes. There was no change. People came in and out to check on Cal, eventually, someone was nice enough to tell him what was going on. He nodded numbly in response and when she left, he looked at Cal's prone form again. Too still. "It should have been me." He couldn't say the other words, to say other words, to tell him he loved him, would be to give in. "It should have been me lying here, you stupid fool. Why did you have to go and do it. It doesn't make things right, it makes things worse." He voice cracked but his eyes were dry, there were no tears left. It didn't change the past, for him to have saved him, you couldn't change or right that, all he'd wanted was a chance for them to right it together themselves, he didn't want this. Never this.