Welcome to Hickstead, home to both Seven Oak Stables, and Blue Acre - two rival stables. Both offer opportunities for their clients to reach the highest level of excellence. Each stable differs from the other, so choose wisely and never forget, loyalty is everything... Meanwhile as the stables battle it out, there's trouble brewing at the university. Be careful, if you don't pick a side you may get caught in the cross-fire...
This is an chilled out rpg with a super friendly and relaxed atmosphere! Remember to sign up with your characters full name in all caps and don't forget to do your claims! Thank you and Welcome, we've been established since 10th March 2009 but unfortunately have had to close guest view of our boards due to multiple sites ripping off our hard work, such a shame! Come chat to us in Discord before joining if you like!.
Dustin rarely cried, he didn't think he was really capable of it anymore. He felt things, he had emotions, but he always had to clamp down so hard on the one's that hit most that he didn't know if he could shed tears anymore. Whenever he was sad he had to hold onto it, had to push it down to make room for his families sadness, to be there for them - the strong one. It was so hard sometimes, and now it had made him this... not robot, but his automatic response to upset was to push it down and be calm and reasonable and try to help the other person. But he felt them now, he felt the burn in his eyes. He blinked quickly, pushing it away as he always did - Joe didn't need his tears, he didn't need to see his upset. He needed his support.
He was relieved Joe didn't pull away, he hadn't been sure about his reaction to a hug, whether he would be receptive to it. Dustin felt he needed it, let alone Joe, he needed to hold his brother in his arms and know that even if he wasn't okay he was at least safe, and to let Joe know that he was here, he was always going to be here for him. "I've got you," He promised, rocking slightly. "I've got you Joe. You're safe, I promise you're safe and nothing is going to happen to you again." It was a tall promise to make, he knew that it was almost impossible - he could cross the street and get hit - but he would do whatever it took to make sure that never happened. He'd sell his soul for it, he'd sell everything he had - because his brother came first, his whole family came first.
"N-no, Th-th-hey can't k-know." The words hit like ice and shattered through Dustin's thoughts. He pulled back so that he could look Joe in the eye. "You're asking me to keep this huge secret from them?" Dustin tensed slightly, it wouldn't be the first time he'd kept secrets but he hated it, he despite keeping things from them, even if it was for their own good. "I don't know, Joe. I don't think it's fair to keep it from them, they'll understand, they can help you. We can all make things easier for you."
<3 HAYDEN MAY JAMES ONE SON | ONE UNBORN CHILD | ONE HORSE (ROULETTE)
"I've got you," He promised, rocking slightly. "I've got you Joe. You're safe, I promise you're safe and nothing is going to happen to you again."
"Don't-Don't make promises you can't keep," he sobbed quietly, "You weren't there."
"You're asking me to keep this huge secret from them?" Dustin tensed slightly, it wouldn't be the first time he'd kept secrets but he hated it, he despite keeping things from them, even if it was for their own good. "I don't know, Joe. I don't think it's fair to keep it from them, they'll understand, they can help you. We can all make things easier for you."
Joe didn't meet Dustin's eyes, he couldn't, not for fear of what might've been lurking there. The voices howled with laughter at him - too afraid, absolute coward. He nodded.
"I don't- I want to be normal. I don't want them to know. I don't want things to be made easier, I just want to be me again, just Joe - nothing different," his voice was desperate, "They can't know. I'll tell them when I am ready - because I am not ok with this. I can't walk on my own yet, when I can do that, I'll find the time to tell them."
He roughly scrubbed his face, trying to get rid of the tears.
"Don't-Don't make promises you can't keep," Dustin shook his head slightly, "I will keep it, I'll never let you down, Joe." He would swear on his life to it, he had let his brother down plenty already and he would not be doing that again. "You weren't there." He deflated a little, feeling his shoulders sag with the weight of all his family sat ontop of them. He didn't know how people did it sometimes - being a sibling and a father and almost a father to his siblings, sometimes it felt impossible. "I would have been if I could, Joe. I would have been there, through it all." He wanted him to know that, he went to take his brothers face in his hands, his expression pained. "I went to the army for you, for all of you. I went to safe you all. I would have swapped my place here for yours if I could have - if I had know what was happening." He shook his head - more fool him for being taken in by the lies, for not knowing where the youngest brother really was.
Dustin frowned again when Joe wouldn't meet his eyes - he knew it was wrong, lying to the rest of them. There was so many lies already, or half truths, or loaded silences. It was tough, and Dustin didn't want this to be between them all. "I don't- I want to be normal. I don't want them to know. I don't want things to be made easier, I just want to be me again, just Joe - nothing different, They can't know. I'll tell them when I am ready - because I am not ok with this. I can't walk on my own yet, when I can do that, I'll find the time to tell them." He sat back on his heels to watch his brother speak, rubbing roughly at his own exhausted face. How old was he now? fifty? Sixty? It felt like that. "Whether you have all your limbs or not makes no difference to us. You are our brother with or without two arms and two legs, at your best or at your worst. It does not matter to us, all that matters is that you are with us again, that our family is back together again. They will only care about the half truths, the hidden truths. Please, give them a chance to prove it." He pleaded in return. He understood where his brother was coming from, he would help him get there in every way he could, but he was reluctant to keep more lies from the others.
<3 HAYDEN MAY JAMES ONE SON | ONE UNBORN CHILD | ONE HORSE (ROULETTE)
Dustin shook his head slightly, "I will keep it, I'll never let you down, Joe."
He knew better than to believe that. He'd made promises to his friends and now he couldn't fulfill them. He didn't do promises any more.
"I would have been if I could, Joe. I would have been there, through it all." He wanted him to know that, he went to take his brothers face in his hands, his expression pained. "I went to the army for you, for all of you. I went to safe you all. I would have swapped my place here for yours if I could have - if I had know what was happening."
Joe made no effort to pull away from him, despite the muscle in his jaw flexing and straining, "I purposely kept you all in the dark for your sanity. I didn't want you all worrying. What happened to me was my fault and always will be. I was not the leader I thought I was..."
His thoughts were messy, a chaotic mess and nothing he wanted to say was easy. How could he tell them that whilst he was away that they were the last thought on his mind? That he hadn't put them down as his contacts? That the only reason why they ever got messages or the occasional video from him was because someone happened to ask how they were? How poor it was on his part that strangers cared more than he did.
"Whether you have all your limbs or not makes no difference to us. You are our brother with or without two arms and two legs, at your best or at your worst. It does not matter to us, all that matters is that you are with us again, that our family is back together again. They will only care about the half truths, the hidden truths. Please, give them a chance to prove it." He pleaded in return.
"No. I'm not ready for that," he said quietly, "You finding out like this was not even meant to happen. It's bad enough now that you know. I was never going to tell a soul, at least... not until I felt ok. Because this whole thing, missing my leg... I don't feel right. I am not over that yet, and I don't know when I will be. I just... I'm not me. When I can look at myself again, then I'll be ready, but not now. I don't want them knowing."
He knew it was a struggle to get through to Joe, but he would keep at it, keep saying these things until his brother believed him - through and through. He had gotten through to Avery, when he had come home broken, he had saved Kara, and she had made a good life, he was getting through to Heather in some ways, but she was as much as a challenge as Joe was, in different ways. He would keep trying though, these were his family, and they were his purpose in life - to make them happy and safe. "I purposely kept you all in the dark for your sanity. I didn't want you all worrying. What happened to me was my fault and always will be. I was not the leader I thought I was..." His eyes filled with sadness at all this that he had never known, it still hurt and it would take him time to get over it, more so because if he'd known, he would have tried to do what he could to help - go back to the army perhaps to try and be there for his brother, even if it meant joining the wrong army. "We worried anyway, we always would. It didn't matter if we thought you were safer, we will always worry when you're not with us." He was family after all.
Dustin could see he wasn't going to change Joe's mind. The entire family were known for their stubbornness - a streak that ran through the family, even more so through their mother. Dustin had seen it often enough. He'd known it well in Heather. "No. I'm not ready for that," Dustin's lips turned down, a crease appearing between his brows but he understood in a strange way. "You finding out like this was not even meant to happen. It's bad enough now that you know. I was never going to tell a soul, at least... not until I felt ok. Because this whole thing, missing my leg... I don't feel right. I am not over that yet, and I don't know when I will be. I just... I'm not me. When I can look at myself again, then I'll be ready, but not now. I don't want them knowing." He pursed his lips, pressing them together as he considered his words and then he gave a small nod after a few moments of quiet. "Okay," He conceded. "I don't like it but, for now, I will keep your secret." He wanted Joe to trust him after all, and at least this way he might come to Dustin more for help. "But please, what can I do to help you? Can I make any modifications to make things better?" If he could make his adjustment to this life easier he would do it in a heartbeat.
<3 HAYDEN MAY JAMES ONE SON | ONE UNBORN CHILD | ONE HORSE (ROULETTE)
"We worried anyway, we always would. It didn't matter if we thought you were safer, we will always worry when you're not with us." He was family after all.
Joe let it go - the was no telling his family not to worry. They would do it anyway. He didn't understand why, but he guessed they needed some informal stress.
"Okay," He conceded. "I don't like it but, for now, I will keep your secret." He wanted Joe to trust him after all, and at least this way he might come to Dustin more for help. "But please, what can I do to help you? Can I make any modifications to make things better?"
Joe managed to get some air back into his chest when Dustin said he'd stay quiet for the time being. It gave him a little bit of breathing space he needed to try and get his nerve to tell everyone.
"There is nothing you can do that will make anything easier." He shook his head, playing with his hands. "I just have to try harder to be normal. It's the only solution."
Silence fell between them for a moment as he let his brother process his words. He was glad to know something at least, about what Joe was hiding. It made him feel better to be let in on his new world, to be able to have some knowledge of his secret. He knew things were amiss, but it was like getting fresh blood from a stone - every time he tried, Joe cut him off. Not even just a little but a huge brick wall between them. Dustin was on the other side of it, trying to break through, prying off one brick at a time if he had to - if bulldozing wasn't working.
"There is nothing you can do that will make anything easier." Dustin had been afraid he would say that, it felt like a lie. "I just have to try harder to be normal. It's the only solution." He frowned at that. "It's not the only solution, and you know that." He said firmly, though not unkindly. The other solutions involved honesty, in just telling the others and accepting his new fate. There were adjustments he could make, he knew there had to be - a room downstairs for one would help, but if his brother would not accept it, there wasn't much he could do to help. Perhaps in time, he would accept it. "Come on, you should get some rest," It was been a heavy night with the weight of these admissions, and they both needed more sleep before dawn hit.
<3 HAYDEN MAY JAMES ONE SON | ONE UNBORN CHILD | ONE HORSE (ROULETTE)
